Uh-oh, Fred Van Lente. Can he redeem himself after his last one? Considering this stuff is all written by committee, it may be that Chameleon junk wasn’t even totally his idea. We just don’t know. Well, hey, this is actually an epilogue to Redheaded Stranger, ok. And Van Lente handles chapters 1 & 2, with Brian Reed finishing up. And we have 3 different art teams, including a surprise return by Luke Ross. The great Javier team-up of Javier Pulido Javier Rodriguez takes chapter 1, Luke Ross, Rick Magyar and Rob Schwager take chapter 2, and Yanick Paquette, Mark Farmer and Nathan Fairbairn handle chapter 3. This is a lot of people, but I just noticed this is an oversized issue. For some reason. The financials of reading ASM in 2009, man. 2 issues in September, one of them oversized, plus a double-sized annual. 3 issues in October, 1 of them oversized. 4 issues in November. Something like $34 for 3 months of just Amazing Spider-Man, forget all your other titles. I was spending $2.99 a month on ASM, simply ignoring the other 2 series when I quit. I continue to feel just fine about my Spidey buying choices in the period. Well, enough rambling, let’s get to it.
MJ gets to be in Pirates of the Caribbean!
That’s MJ’s invite to the wedding, with a note from Aunt Anna saying she knows there’s bad blood between MJ and May due to “how things ended,” but she thought this might be a chance to put it behind them. She travels home while flashing back to how Peter was never there for her due to being Spider-Man, which doesn’t really represent where they were when it all ended, but who cares at this point, and checks the “no” box on the RSVP. Then she arrives at the mansion she is apparently sharing with Bobby Carr, who she is still with after the events of ASM 561, who she finds just about to jab himself with a needle.
Cut to MJ and Bobby arriving at.. somewhere. A night club? With paparazzi trying to get pics and whatnot.
Uh-oh. Say it ain’t so, Bobby! Why MGH? That gives you superpowers and also seems to drive you insane? Why not just regular steroids like a normal celebrity? What powers does Bobby have? Maybe we’ll find out here in a sec. Well, the goons gas everyone in the place, and of course, with their getups, all wind up working for the White Rabbit. Must we? Must we, really?
Instead of Carr, Alice there finds the business end of MJ’s heel as she emerges from a stall, having covered her mouth with a rag. She knows how to do this superstuff, after all. She’s kicked Alice’s mask clean off, which gives her an idea. Soon, “Alice” is running back to the Rabbit, who is very angry this is taking so long.
Cut to MJ in NY, doing press for the fashion industry reality show she did not want to do, but which provided her a way out of the above mess. MJ now says she found the idea very compelling, of course, and she’s a good actress. The unseen TV presenter says there are rumors than a bad breakup is what drove her out of New York to begin with. MJ says she’s coming back to put that behind her.
You’re off the hook, Fred, that was pretty good. Or are you? We still have Chapter 2 to contend with, featuring the return to Spider-Man of Luke Ross. Now, of course, we saw a lot of Ross doing his “mid-to-late-90s quote-unquote manga-influenced but really just J. Scott Campbell and Todd McFarlane influenced” thing in TAC lo, those many years ago. And we recently saw him doing the photorealism thing that’s slowly starting to lose its stranglehold on Marvel in 2009. What’s he gonna do now?
Well, Javier Pulido, basically. No trace of either previous art style. Ross just seems to go with the flow.
Fred, you are back in the doghouse. UNCOMPLICATED? When you first met, she had a shrine to you in her home. She refused to be part of your normal life, didn’t like you with your mask off, and went to the Kingpin for superpowers and then kept it a secret, which ended up destroying any trust you had in her. She pretended to want to get back together to sell you out to the Foreigner! The last time she came back into your life began as her trying to ruin Flash’s life in a totally deranged attempt to hurt you. “Uncomplicated.” Come on, man. Come ooooon. Creators in the 21st Century really like to rewrite history when it comes to Black Cat and Spider-Man. Part of that is trying to make Felicia a viable character and not, you know, a stupid, terrible person, and I certainly get that impulse. But it was what it was. She went from deranged fangirl to toxic girlfriend to would be assassin. “Uncomplicated.” Also! Unrelated! Why does Peter have a mullet again? What is going on?
That last panel took me a second, and I am only more baffled after getting it. Well, that idiot Raptor is back, watching them all through the windows. How he knows where Peter is is really starting to seem absurd. He decides this isn’t the time to strike, because innocents could be hurt, and he doesn’t want to hurt innocents. Again. This character is just “What if Venom looked like a generic henchman?” There is no pizazz here. Through Raptor’s binoculars, we learn Harry is romancing one of the Reilly cousins already… these people move fast!… and Raptor decides that, since Ben Reilly took his loved ones, turnabout is fair play. Your commitment to protecting innocents lasted 2 pages, Crappier Venom, good work. I guess I have to learn the cousins’ names.
It’s kind of amazing what a blank expression with no dialogue can do, isn’t it? That’s a legitimately funny panel somehow. Storytelling is a fascinating thing.
What are we even doing anymore? Well, to my surprise, that’s the end of Chapter 2, so now we switch writers and switch artists again. And we go from the whimsical cartooning of Pulido and the sort of attempt at same by Ross to…
Yanique Paquette’s extremely solid realism. It’s kind of jarring, especially on an already abrupt page turn.
The last time he went on a date, you say, Harry? I believe that was PPSM 34, although it was sort of forced on him by Aunt May. Harry’s really speaking to my endless confusion that the guy they wanted to be single so bad they sold his marriage to the devil doesn’t go on dates. Harry says he just wants Peter to be happy, and then the baseball shooter thing launches one at them, and Peter of course hits it without thinking and sends it back to knock over the ball launcher. Harry does not comment on that. We then find them in what is no longer Peter’s apartment, and you’ll never guess what they’re up to…
As someone who wasn’t “on the apps” in the 2000s, is this real? Video intros? Seems like a lot of effort. Peter is up all night failing to find a good lead. Harry wakes up and realizes he has to go to work, but tells Peter to come by later. Michelle bellows that Peter is on her side of the apartment, so our guy doesn’t hang around too long. How’s he gonna date someone in these living conditions, anyway? Can you imagine?
An unusually buff Spider-Man for this period. Slim and wiry is the name of the game post-2000. Our hero returns the stolen goods, and like almost every single woman he’s ever met, the lady at the jewelry store is a perfect specimen, but for some reason, this particular one makes him all slackjawed. He fumbles his way through an awkward conversation for pages, even. Spider-Man is trying to figure out how he can ask her out, and the girl suggests they meet somewhere in the evening. So they plan to do so. What could possibly go wrong?
Smooth as silk!
We skip ahead to night time, and Spider-Man going to his rendezvous on the roof of the jewelry store. He thinks about not going through with it, then accidentally scares her as he drops down. It is awkward.
Ugh. Just a pile of coincidences, this. Ha ha, ho ho.
Why did we just do an oversized romance (or lack thereof) special in September? That’s when this was released. Will they do one about fall colors or something in February? I don’t understand. So many things. Will Peter Parker ever go on dates? Wasn’t that the objective? Everyone’s platonic ideal of Peter Parker’s life seems to be his Betty & Veronica situation with Gwen & MJ, and yet they won’t even give him a date. Will he ever have a normal girlfriend? If the cover of next issue is any indication, the answer is “no.” My impression of these comics looking in from the outside at the time was he must dating Carlie Cooper. It sure seems like they wanted that to happen at some point. What’s going on? I guess this is all ever-so-slightly better than his status quo as I type this in 2025, dating a girl he all-but met off-panel, and who he primarily spends time with off-panel, also. We barely know anything about her besides her name and occupation. I don’t get that, either. But that’s for another day…