In these days, one could hardly say no to an anniversary issue, and so I bought this one. Not that I remember much about it. I have a vague memory of Blood Rose, but I sure remember this armor stunt. And a stunt is most assuredly is. Look at that shiny green cover. Fully worth the extra money. So, yeah, lil teenage me came into this without having read the previous issue, only having read 1 random part of The Name of the Rose, and not having seen any of the end of the Rose story in 1987. So, like, I don’t remember it well, but it must’ve been immensely confusing. At any rate, Spider-Man’s fighting all those lames from last issue across an opening recap page and the now-mandatory 2-page spread.
Aaaaand so on. That Dreadnaught sure is the old design and not the new one from ASM Annual 26. Spidey manages to make the Super Adaptoid and the Dreadnaught crash into each other, somehow shorting each other out, so he now only has to deal with Dragon Man. Dragon Man is another one whose number of appearances on this blog is truly shocking to me. Our hero’s doing ok there, but then…
As this endless and not terribly engaging fight continues, we go to…
Man loves his roses, you can’t take that away from him. And just in case this wasn’t confusing enough…
If Kavanagh thinks the 2-week time jump somehow explains this guy losing half his bodyweight, going from bald to a ponytail, and losing an eye (!?!?), he is WRONG. When did he lose an eye? Did I somehow not notice??? So is this guy Alfredo, with the wrong hair color, having swapped with Richard somehow? This is so stupid. And getting worse, as Nightwatch has made it to New York, as well. He’s stopping a carjacking. Spawn’s costume is a symbiote (NATURALLY), as alive as he, and we see that Nightwatch’s seems to be alive, also, as his cape slaps a guy. Nighty skulks away, babbling internally about his grim destiny as he did last issue, and then we find Peter Parker doing the very unusual thing lately and actually going to school. He’s in some kinda lab, recapping recent events.
Almost time for the disappointment to begin! BR is ambushed by all the robots literally the next second. He has somehow hacked control codes for them out of the databases of their various owners, and sics them on each other so he can continue on his mission.
Man, there’s even more of these losers than last time. Will there be more in every scene? I literally don’t remember anything about this comic except the armor and Blood Rose being in it and me being like, “Oh, The Rose! Like in my ‘Saga of the Alien Costume’ trade!” Speaking of both, tho, here we go…
Funny that The Steel Spider would be put to use soon enough. Yes, Spider-Man has made his web into a suit of armor. In 2 colors, no less! And as he fights, he thinks he exaggerated its strength and isn’t even sure how long it will last. The 2nd female New Enforcer, still not named, and Thermite, the other new one, attack him, but he’s not bothered. In the chaos, Blood Rose slips away, and…
“Yeah, back when I was a redhead, that was dye, I guess!” Wah wah. How lame. Also lame, please don’t tell me that lady’s name is Green Thumb. She’s not even wearing green! Ok, I looked it up, her name is apparently “Tangle.” Must’ve done big business when that movie came out. Apparently she and Thermite were made up for this and never appeared again. And they aren’t even introduced in anyway, they just fight! Sheesh. I cannot get over Alfredo naming himself Gauntlet because he has a fancy gauntlet. Spidey keeps on clobbering these losers, taking down Eel and Tangle and then having to fight Blitz again. While nearby, Alfredo and Blood Rose fight also. It’s a very fighty 100th issue. Richard is jabbering about the plastic surgery and pressure Alfredo was under in Web 84-89…
…but when? Was he the Richard we saw the whole time in that story? That makes no sense. It’s like Kavanagh decided Fisk becoming Kingpin, Jr. didn’t work (No objections) and instead of just walking it back, he had to do this insane retcon. Well, anyway, “Gauntlet”’s grenade blows up, and Spider-Man shields Blitz from “the brunt of the blast,” but she’s down. He says now it’s just him and Thermite. He seems to have beaten most of the team when I wasn’t looking? Thermite tries his fire attack, and when that doesn’t work, switches to ice.
Yes, “the all-new, all-daring Spider-Armor” lasted all of 8 pages, and will not return. A bunch of nothing to sell this comic. Richard shoots Nightwatch in the shoulder trying to hit Alfredo. So, like, “Gauntlet” is empowered by his stupid glove. Nightwatch has one of those gloves, and also a whole suit to go with it, and somehow, this is a fight? It’s like saying if Iron Man had to fight someone with one of his gloves on, it would be an even match. Just more stupidity from an already stupid comic. And now that Nightwatch is shot, the even match is tipping in the favor of the guy with just a glove.
Kavanagh even POINTS OUT that the guy with the whole suit should be way more powerful, this is awful!
How many of these losers can there be??? Mr. Fear, Fixer, Mentallo, some lady named Menace?, and… is that The Controller? Seems too small. Guess what, The New Enforcers never appear in anything again. Insanely, the Richard Fisk/Alfredo situation is also never resolved. This whole “two Richard Fisks” thing literally never comes up again. Richard will not make a meaningful appearance in another comic until 2001! Howard Mackie made a brief and awkward use of Gauntlet in Spider-Man 47, and then it appears he’s in several issues of the doomed Nightwatch solo series (Without any trace of Richard, of course), and that’s it for him. Incredible. The amount of dropped plotlines on this blog is kind of crazy. And Terry Kavanagh has 3 of them on his record, with that dopey FACADE mystery that was never solved happening just 13 issues from now. I wonder who The Rose is in 1997. I think I bought the issue where he was revealed, but I can’t remember. Well, anyway, the rest of this issue is an origin for Nightwatch, drawn by Derek Yaniger. A decade ago, he was a professor at ESU, and after the commencement for his newest crop of students, began a skeevy relationship with one of them, who was doing “hormonal research.” But as she left for Paris, he got attacked by a cloud at the airport.
The very plane Trench’s paramore is on has been hijacked by terrorists. Naturally. He sneaks aboard, learning the suit “makes darkness cling to him” (durrrr) and seems to enhance his strength, and the cape is starts beating up guards when he gets onboard. But the baddies he’s fighting shoot up the plane, and his cape drags him out of it so he can watch it crash with his beloved onboard.
And so the brief and stupid career of Not-Spawn begins. And, as we’ve seen, he is killed in Spider-Man Unlimited 14, unable to complete his stupid time loop. And then, all the way in the far off future of 2014, he appears in a She-Hulk story, totally not dead, retired from superheroing. That happened a lot post-2000, dead people were just back. So lame. Much like this comic! Time to go check in with Adjectiveless Spider-Man…