Who’s ready for another thrilling issue of a comic called Peter Parker in which Peter Parker rarely appears at all? Last issue, Spider-Man was confronting with a shocking discovery after being in range of the dumb powers of new villain Spectrum. A real show stopper. And it turns out to be…
Truly, a revelation to rock one to the core.
“insults-dot-net.” This is Gale’s 2nd use of the extremely current and cutting edge 2009 slang “holmes” in this series, and he doesn’t even spell it right.
Whaaaatever. Spider-Man questions a purse snatcher, who has no idea what he’s talking about, saying he and his partner just pounced on the opportunity and they don’t know an “Spectron.” But there were at least 4 purse snatchers? Again, whatever. Spidey also learns Spectrum is visible in his photos of the events, and also all the colors are normal, which implies Spectrum’s powers effect the human eye, but not “lenses.” So what if you have glasses on? Contacts? Then he finally remembers he ran out on Michelle. Cut to them at home, her sort of mad, and also sort of admitting him ducking out to take pictures to pay his share of the rent is not too upsetting. She wants to see the pictures, and after Peter explains what happened, she says she could get Spectrum off with the defense that there’s no law against disrupting human color perception.
I don’t claim to be a lawyer, but reading this, I think it’s clear Bob Gale isn’t, either. Soon, Peter is Spider-Man, brooding about the Spider-Girls plot as a way of recapping it, and also quoting Back to the Future, written by one Bob Gale. I’m only surprised it took this long to happen. He grabs a tabloid to find out where Teri Hillman is staying, and then goes to pay her a visit. When he arrives and finds an open door on the balcony, he’s suspicious, and when he enters only to be attacked by 2 gun totin’ ladies, his suspicions seem warranted.
Those are their security guard outfits? Comics, man. Also, I don’t know why Fabela is doing a color old on the linework for Teri’s undies, but it draws the eye to them way more than they should want.
“I’m not a bottom feeding ‘influencer’ despite the term not yet being en vogue, I’m just trying to make a living!” Wah wah.
Yeah, yeah. I can’t believe I have 2 more issues of this. Don’t I? I know there were more than 5 of these online, but they don’t act like it. I wonder if the other ones got collected as something else. Well, next day, the Spider-Girls are off to see Mallory Book, who they describe as an ambulance chaser, but who I only know as the high priced lawyer who’s sometimes She-Hulk’s boss, so I don’t know. Book contacted them to offer help via Facebook. Also the ASS guys are following them around spying on them. Very cool. I am displeased with the frequency with which women call each other “skanks” in this story. At least Spider-Man isn’t saying it. Book is trying to win them over with big promises, but the blonde one seems to know enough about the law to know she’s hustling them, and they go to school. And Spider-Man decides to just… swing by to boost their spirits. Not, like, come down and talk to them. Just literally swing by.
Permission to treat this comic as hostile, your honor? This is so stupid. Jump to the press conference, where the girls haven’t come out yet, and Peter Parker is stalling the press. Including the dreadful Norah Winters, who is being very aggressive, when he notices the plainclothes cops in the crowd. But then…
That weasel gets on the phone with Hillman’s agent, as Hillman herself is melting down, to tell him the plan. Not that we hear it, mind. Meanwhile, in what I guess is his official capacity as JJJ’s photographer, Peter Parker is in a limo with him. Maybe I read this stuff a tad early. Too late, don’t care. They’re going to let JJJ talk to the ASS guys, who are panicking because they don’t want Jonah to know his cameras are down.
I want out of this story, man. The Spider-Girls are now mad that Teri Hillman is using them to hang out with Spider-Man. One of them says it “rattles their inner bitch,” which is completely beyond my comprehension. And she has a plan.
Hostages! Kidnapping teenage girls just to save face? Finally, a realistic depiction of law enforcement. To be concluded, you say? In the 2nd-to-last issue of this series? Huh. Iiiii remember now, I moved this Peter Parker stuff up in the timeline so as not to get ahead of my next Avengers block, assuming its superfluousness and the fact that the print version was published after the digital meant it wouldn’t have any spoilers in it. Whoops!