Wonder where Land copied these figures from. One thing about him is it would’ve had to be easy to find. A magazine ad or movie poster or something. Many years from now, he’ll be the artist on Iron Man for awhile, and his first issue will be quite literally full of pictures copied from the first 2 pages of Google search results for the phrase “Iron Man cosplay.” I had a hunch, did the search, and was proven correct. I heard tell once that when he goes to conventions, he brings a bunch of pre-drawn figures he can slap some costume details on when someone asks for a sketch. A bona fide master of the craft. Well, anyway, inside, someone who cares about what they do is drawing Peter and Sarah at their picnic as someone takes a sniper shot at her. Peter tackles her out of the way, and she makes flirty comments in response. Tres nonchalant.
So, uh, what’s going on, here? Does MJ not know how to use the bathroom? Or how to get out of it? What’s… going on?
I’m still grappling with whether Sarah and Gabe are French. I think the gotta be, right? Which means Sins Past and this should feature both of them in ridiculous cartoon French accents like Batroc the Leaper. This is comics, after all. “I deed geeve you an answoir, mon cher!” Things like that. It improves the story for me. Something has to. “Zere ees no need to ovairreact!” Also, is the Hilarious Komedy Business here that Mary Jane, world famous world traveling supermodel, has never encountered a bidet before? Does anyone, like, care about who these characters are anymore? MJ just trusts the first English speaker she meets and gets in a cab with him to go figure out where her husband is based on nothing but Sarah’s name. I love this comic. I’m excited to be reading it. It’s so good. But, back at the mansion, Sarah is apparently finally telling us what’s going on.
“‘E adopted us eento ‘es gang. Zut alors!”
Eet would ‘ave been easy to make zis zee Foreigner, non? Instead of some random guy called “Bruce?” Foreigner could’ve been trying to get into Osborn’s whole business out here. And now we’re apparently getting into a “one last big score” cliche. I am so glad there’s only 1 more issue of this. Would that this was the last one. Speaking of cliches, MJ arrives at Stately Osborn Manor about this time, whoever’s after her upset that their guy didn’t get to kidnap her at the airport due to this cab guy, and she busts into the house in time for a whopper of a cliche:
I wish I could send a message back in time to myself. “Don’t buy these comics. A complete run of the series is not worth it.” But it’s too late. I could be doing anything else right now. I could be reading a good comic book, even.
Real Rocky Horror Picture Show hours.
I just want out of this prison. This is a complete character assassination of MJ using a bunch of stupid cliches and what is currently the worst ASM storyline of all time as a springboard (But only currently). This is garbage. Well, guess what, Sarah’s going all crazy stalker in the other room, and Gabe is here, gone crazy, chained to a bed, having eaten all their headache pills. I legit hope these kids get blown up next issue. Well, Sarah goes to confront this Dupres guy, and when Peter can’t find her, Spider-Man is on the case. Meanwhile, MJ’s gone to dinner with her English speaking cab guy, but she’s now beating herself up for acting like a cliche back there and also for doing this. This sucks SO BAD. ALso she’s drunk and apparently throws up on the guy.
I hate this comic book.
I guess it’s just a Parker family tradition to hop in any random car with any random guy who speaks English in Paris. Meanwhile, MJ gets lost walking down the street, and you expect her to finally get pinched by the people after her, but instead she somehow finds the house again, and therefore:
Please, please just let the kids explode next issue. On panel. Preferably exclaiming in French. I deserve it.