Now it’s the Rhino’s turn to… not actually be part of the larger story, I guess? Or maybe he will, who knows? Joe Kelly’s back in the driver’s seat, so that’s not great. He is joined by line artist Max Fiumara and color artist Fabio D’Auria. We last saw this art team in ASM 600. Still a pretty unusual choice for Marvel’s most mainstream comic, I must say, but we’re still in the final days of the company making bold choices visually. We’re right on the cusp of when they decided Stuart Immonen should be a house style. With the demise of the DB(!), the recap page is now Betty’s blog, Bugle Girl. Weird… name.
Hey, things are looking good for the Rhino!
And things are looking bad for me! Does Kelly have some sort of racism quota he has to meet every year? We met the absurdly named “Dr. Tramma” back in ASM Extra 1, and I haven’t missed her.
So I guess she upgraded Rhino’s hide? He could already fight the Hulk, what more was there to do? Well, while that’s going on, Peter Parker wakes from a nightmare. And… and Michele busts into his room with a shotgun over it. She says she came in like a deranged action hero because she heard screaming. Ridiculous. Peter says he’s been having the same nightmare for a week, where he’s in a zoo or something, and a lion is chewing on “something bloody,” and looking at him “like you’re next.”
Their relationship makes no sense. I get the feeling every writer has a different take on it, even. Michele hates his guts sometimes, and here, pines for him a little? Peter Parker: Everyman!
No date. We had to have a single Spider-Man so he could have an interesting love life, you’ll recall. I’m just continually amazed by the lack of romance in this title given the circumstances. I thought there would be whirlwind drama, especially being at least vaguely aware of all the new ladies introduced. But, no. Even his new FWB situation with Black Cat isn’t getting any panel time. Most of the material could just as easily take place while MJ was out of town for a play with nothing lost. I’m still amazed. I guess that’s why “Amazing” is in the title. At any rate, Peter arrives at Frontline to talk to Ben Urich. It is insane how I’m marking out for even the slightest appearance of supporting cast members. The state of modern ASM is just so empty and boring. But, anyway, Ben’s worried that Peter is stretching himself too thin. Our man says he could probably use a break, if he could afford one, and Ben offers to bring him on at Frontline fulltime for 10% more than whatever JJJ is paying him. That’s crazy. Peter Parker is not worth that. Remember how they got a lot of mileage out of how his photography was pretty bad, but he just happened to be in the right place all the time back in the 80s? Weird. But, Ben gives a stirring speech about the death of the DB(!) reminding people why they do this, and revenue going up (somehow??) and him having pages to fill.
Oh, hey, we went a couple of pages without anything stupid happening, I guess it was time for Norah Winters. I would really like to see a tragic issue where one of Spider-Man’s nefarious villains blows her up, spurring him to a final battle. Maybe she could survive, and then a different villain could blow her up a second time. Can we get through the rest of this issue without any horrible racist, ableist, or xenophobic banter? Seems unlikely! Cut away to the Rhino getting a mysterious phone call, presumably from Sasha Kravinoff, telling him where Spider-Man is for his revenge. How would she know? Even Peter doesn’t know where he’s about to be. Well, he’s gone to an Atlantic City casino, where Norah claims she’s going to expose graft & corruption, but seems ot just be enjoying the free $100 given to journos to gamble with. She’s apparently pretty good at it.
I am so upset. Who’s his “other girlfriend?” Black Cat? Just like in much of the 80s, she would not agree with that word!
I don’t even care about how Rhino not being able to get out of that suit used to be his whole deal.
Wut. Rhino saves them from what Peter’s internal monologue describes as a Rhino Robot, and Rhino gets to tell us he’s married when Norah is all aflutter over his heroics. Married! Good for you, buddy. The robot(?) is here to see Rhino, and Norah sends Peter to “go find some disposable cameras in the gift shop.” Why wouldn’t he have brought a camera to a press event??? Anyway, he’s got his excuse, so…
So… so the person Sasha called was this… person… not the real Rhino? That at least explains how she knew where the target would be. What is this?
New Rhino is swinging an entire, alive horse at old Rhino. Spidey gets Norah out of the way, and then this happens…
Since when is being the Rhino like being the Highlander or something? Man, what a fresh reference. New Rhino flies away on rocket boots, and old Rhino borrows Norah’s phone to call his wife. Then every one adjourns to the local police precinct to old Rhino can give a statement. Peter is amazed by how changed Alexsei is, and by how clearly in love he and his wife are. Norah, meanwhile, wants him to stop lying about why he disappeared.
So, to recap: Norah sent Peter to get a camera, then just shot the whole thing on her phone. Then she wants him to admit he was too scared to come back, while also admitting his years of courage as a photographer are what convinced her not to quit. This all makes SO much sense. Soon, Spider-Man is talking to old Rhino on the street. He got a tracer on him earlier (“force of habit,” he says). He wants to get a feel for what’s going on, and also wonders what Alexsei will do now.
Wow, and I thought Sandman didn’t get much screen time. Well, ok. Why would you make a new Rhino? That’s stupid. And that’s not all! We got a backup story. I kinda think we got a Rhino story meant for Web of Spider-Man that got bumped, in fact. It’s by Joe Kelly still (Boo this man!), and the very busy lately Javier Pulido! Matt Hollingsworth handles the colors for him this time. We find the Rhino in a bar, surrounded by cops, who we quickly learn he called. And then he’s in prison. Maybe this is how he got to his new place in life, I guess. As alluded to in the main story, Rhino’s narration says he was tired. SHIELD experts “skinned” him, he plead guilty to everything and registered, and got 25 years.
Well. He gets a place to live and he tries to get a job, but all the hiring agencies he works with can’t do much for him. And then he runs into…
Despite the Joe Kelly of it all, I like this direction for Rhino. It’s surprising and fun. I wonder how they’ll get him back in the suit and do away with his lady. If not now, then eventually. Maybe I’ll find out…