Peter Parker 2

One wonders, if one is me, anyway, how this comic ended up named “Peter Parker.” Much like every other comic to ever have “Peter Parker” in the name, it seems to be promising a heavier focus on his personal life, and also like previous titles, not delivering that. And, you know, the digital ones were called Amazing Spider-Man, they didn’t even have the mandate the title implies. Why not Amazing Spider-Man: Digital Adventures or something? Well, no one asked me, so…

What… does any of that have to do with “stool pigeons for the mayor?” Does this girl not know what “stool pigeon” means? Am I too tired to be reading this? Well, the next day, they’re volunteering at FEAST wearing matching “Ask me about Spider-Man” t-shirts, and Peter is told they work hard and do a good job. So Peter asks, and they list various ways Spider-Man is good for the city, and say they want to be like him. Peter is touched. So touched he decides to go get the most dreadful woman in New York, Norah Winters, to do a story on them. She doesn’t want to, but at least manages to avoid saying any slurs, and is talked into it.

This comic called “Peter Parker” isn’t even about Spider-Man, let alone Peter Parker. Well, all the TV channels, including the ones the Mean Girl mentioned, show up at school to talk to the Spider-Girls, and soon they’re on various TV shows talking Spidey up.

For once, JJJ is right, Peter is kinda-sorta behind this. JJJ goes and berates his jackboots, and they get ready to turn up the heat on our ostensible star. Meanwhile, the Spider-Girls are making friends and doing good things at school, to the chagrin of the Mean Girls. I am not learning anyone’s names.

If they spent 40+ issues and over a year setting up Carlie Cooper as a love interest only to pivot to this lady, I am going to be cross.

Our man decides to go do some good deeds to maximize the good will, and starts by taking out the central control for the Spider-Cams, which seems… incredibly easy. Like, one panel. Really?

We literally just did “the public turns in favor of Spider-Man.” The ASS guys learn that Spidey messed up the essential power box they keep out in the open and unguarded, without even one of their cameras looking at it, and vow revenge. Who cares? And JJJ gives that Teri Hillman person the key to the city.

Again, any time we get through a Norah Winters page without her disparaging the mentally challenged or black people, it’s a win.

Norah Winters is right, which is possibly the only time I’ll ever type that. The Spider-Girls are furious. They’re plotting revenge. What is this story, man? JJJ, also furious, lays into his toady who suggested Teri Hillman Day, who we also learn is getting kickbacks on merch from her manager. And the ASS guys decide that their best bet to catch Spider-Man is to illegally surveil those 3 minors on the TV, which their boss notes is illegal, but threatens them not to tell anyone. Cops! Next day, the press is swarming FEAST for the girls’ reaction to Teri Hillman, and Peter Parker is talking them out of attacking her, which is, you know, nice of him.