For the long time he worked on ASM, Dan Slott told anyone who’d listen how Spider-Man was his favorite character and there was nothing he’d rather do. When he finally, fffffinally let this book out of his clutches to go work on Fantastic Four, he started doing interviews talking about how the FF were his favorite characters and there’s nothing he’d rather do. So, here you have it, Dan Slott’s 2 favorite things, mixed together. I assume the results will be terrible, not least because I’ve read future Spider-Man/FF interactions by Slott and some of Slott’s FF run, which was really just not good. I tapped out when he revealed the FF were on their way to a planet where everyone is a superhero and they were part of a prophecy on their original flight, and also, surprise, Johnny has been an astronaut the whole time. But that’s nearly 10 years after this. In this moment, Slott is joined by Barry Kitson, Mark Farmer and Dean White.
I guess we’re doing more exposition about what “really happened” with the Mephisto deal, a whole concept I remain deeply opposed to, but no one asked me. So, this issue is out to reassure you that the FF still knew Peter’s secret before Mephisto changed things, or whatever is about to replace that in the timeline. The FF explain that they follow “Uatu protocols” when encountering a new civilization, which is just Star Trek’s Prime Directive, which is then lampshaded by Reed saying he wanted it to call it that, but was outvoted. They look over a ridge and see a bunch of characters out of John Carter of Mars, altered enough to not be actionable. The FF exploring new places is one of the property’s most beloved tropes, and here we get… them exploring 70-year old trademark infringement. Great. Spider-Man refuses to follow “Uaut Protocols” and leaps to the defense of John Carter and Deja Thoris by other names, and then Johnny and Ben follow suit. Let the record show that the FF have never followed “Uatu Protocols” in any other comic I’ve ever read. Running in face first is more their style.
Smash cut to the present, with Spider-Man having apprehended the Looter, who taunts him by saying Norman Osborn is in charge now, and he’ll never see a prison cell. Spider-Man acts like he’s decided to become darker for these darker times, then leaves. Then the FF fly by and tell him they want to take him back to the Macroverse.
Shouldn’t Reed, if anyone, be the one wondering about his memory loss, if only one of them is allowed to worry about it? Also, shouldn’t Reed be arresting Spider-Man? Did Sue and Ben register? Does anyone even care about that anymore? As this issue sees print, Mark Millar is still crapping it up on the FF title, that book is 4 long months from Jonathan Hickman, et all, taking over and commencing my 3rd favorite run in the title’s history. I don’t know how much Millar’s run referenced registration, but my guess is “not at all.”
Blake Tower really let himself go! I mean, with the sliding timeline, REALLY let himself go! Looks like after a 1998 Daredevil, he’s only appeared in a handful of minor Dan Slott comics, so I guess it makes sense he’s here, but… he’s aged like decades since he cleared Spider-Man of the Stacy murders in ASM 186, despite the fact that that was now significantly less than 5 years ago. Martin Li for mayor? That wouldn’t be good. Well, then, we see Spider-Man leaving home, thinking NY can live without him for a few days, which is a direct segue into us learning Harry is fall down drunk after Lily left, Bill Hollister is depressed and Carlie’s job is all messed up, wokka wokka wokka. Spidey arrives at the Baxter Building, still ignoring Torch’s very reasonable questions about his memory. Reed exposits that last time they went to the Macroverse, it was through a wormhole, but this time, they’re using a Pym Particle generator to grow into it.
Well, they do the thing, growing into the Macroverse. The place they were before is now identified as “the land of Kort,” and has progressed to a pre-industrial civilization. It rather looks like Latveria drawn by Jack Kirby. Also, it looks deserted, and also, it looks like it’s been under assault.
HOW is Johnny the only one who cares about this??? This should have been bothering Reed for weeks or months or however long it’s been! This is stupid. And gets stupider, as we learn the locals are led by a “Lord Patronus” (It’s 2009!) who doesn’t believe the heroes are gods, and then everyone is attacked by mohawked guys on armored dinosaurs.
This story is a mess. Slott is being pretty transparent about how the A-plot doesn’t matter. Jeez, man. People paid good money for this…