This issue, we start with a quick look at Sable and her team freaking out over all the media coverage before rejoining our hero in last issue’s dilemma.
I don’t want to hear Peter complain about the “Parker luck,” that’s for sure. I like the Spider-Man mask with no lenses next to a John Romita shout out.
So, we find our utterly defeated hero wandering into Aunt May’s job, handing her his backpack, and saying “Spider-Man.” He tries to articulate that goons kidnapped Flash because they were looking for Spider-Man, and that it led back to him, but Aunt May, as we’ll recall, has a very specific take on Spider-Man in their lives, and says “I was wondering when we’d get to this.”
And you know, May’s offbase, but look at her looking out for her boy. Bendis & Bags have her simultaneously making him more terrified than ever of her finding out he’s Spider-Man while she earnestly, honestly tries to support him and make him feel better. I mean, how good is that? When these boys were cooking, you could not beat them, and that was most of the time!
The punch through the door is pretty good. We cut to Flash Thompson’s house, where his awful dad is mad at some agent guy for only getting them an offer of $100,000 to sell Flash’s story to TV, and Flash leaves the room in disgust, only to find Spider-Man in his room. Spidey webs his mouth, apologizes for him getting kidnapped, and then asks him tell him everything he knows about his kidnappers. Before realizing he just webbed his mouth. And unlike some 3-initial writers I could mention, Bendis is aware that there are rules to the web. Jump ahead to Spider-Man at the building Flash ran out of, wondering what to do about “this silver lady,” who he very much does not remember meeting before, becaaaaaause he didn’t meet her. Which is too bad, and also not, really. Having the game in continuity is a fun idea, but what happens to someone trying to read all this stuff in Marvel’s highly profitable trade paperback business in the future? Or even my dumb case, having to watch playthrough videos on youtube to get the story. Maybe for the best. But then, why did I see Bendis claiming it was in-continuity awhile ago? Had it been so long he forgot? I don’t know. Anyway, while Spider-Man is debating what to do, someone fires an arrow at him. And it’s not Hawkeye, so that’s weird. But that’s because it only looked like an arrow…
Over a couple of frenetic Bagley pages, the kind of fight scenes I was missing, Spidey easily handles all of Sable’s Wild Pack, throwing them all one by one into a big web, joking the whole time about how they’re so beneath him that it’s embarrassing to be seen fighting them, “And I’ve fought Kraven the Hunter.” Get im.
Bendis had such a weird thing for Kelly Ripa. It is memorable. I wonder if he still does.
Sometimes you end on a great cliffhanger, sometimes you end on a great punchline. Man, it’s nice to be reading USM again. The Ultimate Vision thing in the back of this one gives Romita, Jr. a run at the ultimate versions of some of the X-Men, another franchise he’s deeply associated with after 2 memorable runs, and that’s fun. It also tells me this is all leading to an issue of Ultimate Fantastic Four. Survey says I did buy that issue. Ya know, 2 things: 1. What a dumb guy I was. I was buying Ultimate FF by an artist I loathed and a writer I had come to realize I didn’t like, either, Greg Land and Mark Millar. And I bought it, anyway! What a dumb guy. 2. I am becoming really self-conscious about old references lately, specifically ones I don’t even have a personal connection to. Stuff I just picked up, like “survey says.” I didn’t watch that show, like, ever. I have this whole repertoire of dusty references that don’t even mean anything to me, and the more I think about it, the weirder it feels. I don’t know what to do with this, but I am feeling it lately.