I have bought a lot of comics I find myself regretting in this period, my goodness. We open on detective JONAS FOGG… haha… investigating the grisly murder of Dr. Treyman at the museum, the guy who asked Curt to come talk to him last issue, who has now been partially eaten. I’m honestly surprised it took them this long to get around to the Lizard eating people. It feels like a very 90s things to do. But, this is a very 90s comic. Then we find out JONAS FOGG knows Curt Connors is the Lizard, and knows he works here, and is still acting like they might not know what happened here. Genius, this guy.
Well, I’d say we’ve definitely stricken Jenkins’ Lizard from the record. At least there’s that.
So Billy is a Lizard now, too. Yay. He runs by and distracts Spider-Man so the Lizard can bite his shoulder. Then some neighbors come out to see what the ruckus is, but Spidey manages to lure the Lizards out the window… for no obvious reason. He scampers up to the roof as best he can with a hurt shoulder, and who should be on the roof but…
Upon seeing the Lizard, Felicia says she’s been “itching to dig my claws into something WARM all night long,” which is hilarious, and she and the Lizard charge each other. But then she whacks him in the face with her bag of jewels instead of, you know, digging her claws into something WARM, and he tail swipes her in traditional Lizard and/or Godzilla fashion. Meanwhile…
Mary Jane, maybe, but Aunt May assuredly does not know “Little Johnny Jameson.” I’m sure she remembers him from when Peter was 15, listening to his iPod or watching a DVD or something. Yeah, I’m still annoyed about the blog lady anachronism, which is frankly more fun to think about than whatever this crap is. Ughm John sees the lobby guy has been drinking and attacks him and May exposits that all the Avengers are out helping with the madness and Jarvis went to check on his sister in Long Island, leaving the Parker women free to be stalked by a werewolf. And if this wasn’t bad enough…
I suppose it’s no surprise that Edward has reverted to being Vermin somewhere over the years since last we saw him (In TAC 244 for those scoring at home). “Not all cops are good,” you say? Yeah, there’s a snappy acronym about this, Roberto. Before that awful cop can beat that woman, he’s eaten by Vermin. Whole lotta eating going on.
In an utterly preposterous turn of events, the neighbors from earlier have followed the battle up to the roof so the inexplicable cartoon redneck old man living in a Manhattan apartment building can try to shoot the Lizard with his hunting rifle. Like what part of this makes any sense at all? The old man shoots Billy, which distracts Curt enough for Felicia to seemingly tear him to bits.
When I buy a Spider-Man comic, I always hope that it features a child being shot in the stomach. That’s what Spider-Man comics are about. Everyone knows!