Each of the writers gets to do their own book as this stupid thing improbably goes on for 3 more issues. Somehow. I really can’t imagine how.
Haha, they really did mention the ulcer! Peter Parker: Canonically sound colon, as of now!
What, all these guys get to know who Spider-Man is?
And Hank, too! Ringo, what is going on with this hair? Dude. As Peter rambles about spiders building webs and asks if he’s gonna start shooting webs out of his butt, we see a mob of spiders slowly descending on the technicians going over Peter’s shed skin. And then… someone… FINALLY… deals with some old business…
Oh boy. So Flash has not only emerged from the coma Paul Jenkins just left him in, but he’s also been reset. I do not look forward to the idea of him being a jerk. But, then, Howard Mackie had him being a huge jerk last time he was really around, so I guess it’s too late for that. But at least someone remembered to wake up Flash. I have to wonder what his life is like. After all, his coma was caused by him being framed for causing a terrible accident while intoxicated. I don’t think they call a coma time served. But I bet it never comes up again! So stupid. Back at Avengers Tower, MJ tells Logan thanks for giving her the kick she needed, which she figured out without anyone telling her, which is insane. Insane. Upstairs (I think?), the big brains want to keep working on their science project, but Peter has had enough. Tony would like him to stay, and tries to place a hand on his shoulder, but Peter instantly does a lil’ spin move and kicks Tony’s legs out from under him.
Komedy bits! No one ever mentions Aunt May going to church, but she did at least take Peter’s microscope to that raffle one time. Peter runs off, finds MJ, scoops her up, and next we see, she’s in a disguise, webbed to his back, and he’s swinging her around town. She asked him to do this a bunch back in the day, it’s finally happening. We cut to the room with Peter’s skin, seeing the techs all webbed to the wall as the spiders appear to be eating it. In true Peter David fashion, Peter and MJ’s conversation continues over this as captions, and each panel has Peter accidentally making a pun about what’s happening in it. Classic Peter David-style shenanigans. This sort of stuff was and is too cute by half for me. Just tell your story. That kind of meta humor is one of the things that always put me off of his work despite him being so beloved.
MJ, with the exception of brief moments with Jill Stacy and the mysterious Shantal, you haven’t had friends since 1987, what are you talking about?
Mary Jane accusing him of wanting to die was stupid, but when’s the last time she got to talk like this? Also, was poor Ringo just desperate to draw the Bugle staff? “I’m never leaving you” is a mighty long time, MJ!
They arrive back at the tower to find the top ¼ of it or so completely covered in webbing. There’s something you don’t see every day. Say, you know what else you don’t see in this or the 9 issues preceding it? The Sentry’s goofy horn things sticking off the building. They were revealed in New Avengers 13, but no artist in this story has drawn them. I guess, release schedule-wise, it woulda’ been a bit early, maybe. This issue sees print alongside New Avengers 15. Anyway. Peter sets MJ down on the sidewalk and goes up to investigate. He can’t find anyone, and then he sees some spiders, and instinctively knows they’re “pirate spiders,” also called “cannibal spiders,” known for eating other spiders. He rips the door off the room his skin was in, and…
What fresh hell is this? If there’s anything Spider-Man is known for, it’s how he would love to violently stab people. Does he still have organic webshooters? I genuinely don’t know. Shouldn’t they be exactly where those dumb stingers are? Doesn’t much matter, he won’t have either for too long…