Yeah, yeah, he’s Superman, let’s get on with it. Abs Man and his lady show up at the Owl’s place to find it under attack by cartoon mobsters. Like, with tommy guns, wearing fedoras. Crusher crushes them.
So this random lady is a ninja now? Why doesn’t she have a name??? Well, she goes to Absorbing Man and… and… I really don’t believe this. She tells him she’s scored him some drugs, somehow convinces him to absorb said drugs to make the bullet shrapnel pop out of him, and he turns into what appears to be cocaine. Then Owl’s goons turn on huge fans, scattering him all over. And then…
This is so absurd. This is, like, jawdropping. He’s gonna have people all over New York ingest Crusher Creel? This is insane. Meanwhile, on the following page, Reggie Hudlin joins the strange trend of no one friggin knowing who Peter went to high school with…
I mean come on, dude. How is no one who writes Spider-Man at this point aware of fundamentals? This is embarrassing for these dudes. Peter tries to become Spider-Man in a janitor’s closet, but finds Ethan waiting for him, wanting superhero training. Our man reluctantly agrees. He takes Ethan to the FF, where, despite his suit with a big “E” on the chest, he announces his super-name is “Virtue.” Reed agrees to test his powers.
This comic sucks. The boys go find the still-unnamed ninja lady selling Crusher bits, and Ethan learns he can shoot beams out of his hands.
What is this, amateur hour? How did he possibly let that lady escape?
A lot of people have pointed out, over the years, that Superman’s disguise works because he makes Clark Kent such a different person. Meek, hunched, clumsy. Others have very reasonably noted that Superman’s disguise works because everyone in the DCU knows Superman is Kal-El, last son of Krypton, his identity is public knowledge, and therefore no one is expecting him to be pretending to be a human in a 2nd identity somewhere. People laugh at the idea of a pair of glasses as a disguise, but it’s not bad when you think about it. Not that this book is the product of much thinking, mind you. Anyway, while the entire Bugle is hounding Ethan, Peter gets a phone call. It’s Reed, who managed to backtrack to where Ethan’s ship landed, and the FF has unearthed it, and now they know everything. It being especially Kirby-esque is a plot point, as it turns out, as Mark Buckingham and D’Israeli return for another flashback…
Sigh. Fine, whatever. I’m really just trying to get through this.