Not a bear hug, but a lion hug. Some of the weirdest eyes on Spider-Man ever. But at least he’s got his mask on the cover. 2-page splash opens the issue with the Ultimates fighting the Sinister Five. Which, again, doesn’t feel right at all. Electro Vs. Thor? That’s a 2-second fight in any universe, but they’re trying to sell it here. Captain America would have a tougher time with his foe, Norman Osborn, but he’s still CAPTAIN AMERICA and this Norman doesn’t even have his purse on him. Then there’s a couple 2-page spreads of Peter wandering through the chaos looking shellshocked (And Sandman of all people getting over on Iron Man! Come on!) that end with Norman picking him up and throwing him at Captain America to fight him. Peter tells Cap he has to or Norman will kill his Aunt.
Yeah, well, I’m sick of trying to take pictures of these 2-page spread, so we’re all hurting. Thus, the Ultimate Six exists for 3 half-hearted pages before Peter gets it together. He goes crashing into the Oval Office as the cadre of villains he has previously defeated somehow STILL prove a challenge to Earth’s Angriest Heroes. Wasp isn’t doing so well against Doc Ock, but why is she fighting him? She coulda taken out Kraven in 2 seconds. After being flicked across the lawn, she’s had enough.
Another problem with this is they’re not killing the bad guys. The Ultimates’ bloodthirsty heroes are the reason MCU characters tend to be way too eager to kill people, and these idiots just blew up the White House. Spider-Man’s rogues gallery should all be dead after this series. But they can’t be, of course. It’s all very unsatisfying. Well, anyway, Kraven tries to have his big revenge on Peter and is hit by a stray lightning bolt from the Thor/Electro fight before he can do anything, and you will never fail to get a smile out of me by treating Kraven like a jobber, so that’s fun. Iron Man hits Sandman with some kinda “genetic code sequence” thingie he was uploaded from SHIELD seems to make Sandy explode or something. Elsewhere, Cap, Wasp and Hawkeye are all fighting the 15-foot tall Green Goblin and not getting anywhere, a villain Spider-Man has beaten twice by himself. This series makes the Ultimates look like chumps. As he’s pontificating about wanting to kill Fury, something unexpected happens.
That’s right! Ultimate Six… 7!