Here’s a weird thing. I bought this from McKay’s not remembering that I actually had a random copy of this issue from when I was a kid. No idea why, really, but I had it. But the McKays copy was nicer despite costing less than what I paid in 1992, so I kept that one. And yet, despite having had it all these years, I don’t remember a bit of it. I remember one thing, I guess, but I don’t really remember what happens. I didn’t even remember Zemo being in it. I wonder if I actually read it the first time. Really wish I could remember why I even had it. Maybe it came in a 3-pack. That’s plausible. The danger with those things was you don’t know what the middle comic is. Anyway, whatever, we’re back, seconds after we left off, Zemo repeating his threat to have the weirdo squad kill Kafka.
I kinda think DeMatteis should’ve just become a therapist instead of a comic book writer. He seems to be more into psychoanalyzing his characters than anything else. I wouldn’t normally run Zemo explaining how he’s not dead after his last appearance, but the way it’s explained is so dumb I can’t handle it alone.
“How would they put it in the comics?” says the Freddy Kreuger looking Nazi pointlessly explaining how he’s not dead to someone who really doesn’t need to know. I must say, tho, I think I prefer that to the habit that cropped up in the last couple decades of characters coming back from the dead with no explanation whatsoever, implying, at best, no one cared to explain it, and at worst, no one involved knew the character was dead in the first place. No good options there. Anyway, what if I told you that, 2 years from now, this Zemo will marry the female clone of his dad from Fear Itself? She will re-emerge, less dead than advertised, and claiming that the whole story of her being a clone of his dad was not true, and she’s just some lady. Whose last name is still “Zemo.” And they get married. Man, the 90s were insane. But that’s for later! Right now, Zemo is still monologuing about how he now believes what he looks like is what he always was inside, and wants to continue his experiments, blah blah blah, and almost stabs one of the mutates to make a point, so Spidey flies back into his usual DeMatteis rage, but can’t do anything. Zemo decides he wants to experiment on Kafka to see what’s lurking inside her, and then we flashback to her typically DeMatteis nightmare childhood, where he mother was savagely cruel to her younger sister who was born with completely insane birth defects ARE WE HAVING FUN YET?? Is this an all-time great SPIDER-MAN ADVENTURE? We go on to learn that Kakfak left her sister in a home after her mom died, and then her sister died shortly thereafter, and then there is an INCREDIBLY CRUEL juxtaposition of the poor girl’s face and Zemo’s current scarred mug, and I am just disgusted beyond words at this stupid, stupid comic book. I’m sure glad DeMatteis didn’t become a shrink. Whatever, Kafka snaps, Spider-Man snaps, he Buscema punches the entire mob of monsters in a single punch (Only in comics) and begins wrestling Vermin. Zemo monologues about what heroes must be hiding behind their masks as Spidey continues to battle the weirdos.
Blah blah, they get his mask off, Zemo puts it on talking about how much sadness he can feel “in the very fabric,” and then the new half-Vermin, half-Edward (Exactly down the middle, looking very silly) rips it off. He throws Spider-Man his mask and starts beating up Zemo, and says he’s going to eat him. Kafka is narrating, but I’m not reading it. Spider-Man stops him, they fight, Vermin wins, he’s about to kill Zemo, Kafak stops him, tells him to let Vermin die and let Zemo live.
Edward sez Vermin is dead, Ashley’s gonna try to help the other ones. Edward says he has to stand trial for Vermin’s crimes to ever be free. Spider-Man swings home under Kafka’s narration, now addressed directly to her dead mother & sister, that tonight, she learned she is a hero (WWWWWHAT).
I am… exhausted from reading this garbage. I’m like Spider-Man in a DeMatteis comic, battered into submission. I’m done.