Crawwwwwling iiiin my skiiiiin! Welcome to part two of Snarkin’ It Up With Kraven! In spite of all evidence to the contrary, I’m not trying to be a jerk about this. Just reacting honestly like always. I mean, I’ll say this, the art team is crrrrrushing it. These are some gorgeous comics. Mike Zeck is truly at the height of his powers. Bob McLeod is one of the period’s best inkers, probably in no small part because he’s a great penciler himself. This one’s colors are by Janet Jackson! Not that Janet Jackson. The colors are moody and well-suited to the story. Nailing it. The story, though… Well, let’s get into it.
We begin standing over the tombstone of Spider-Man. “Here Lies Spider-Man Slain By The Hunter.” My man didn’t even put his name on it. But also:
I suppose if you’ve spent your life killing things and wearing them, this is the next, uh, logical step. We cut to a woman running through the downpour, trying to get to shelter, as a new voice narrates, in lowercase and green. She slips in the rain and falls to the ground, as the voice talks about people running around like rats.
Yoink! Last issue we frequently cut to a guy digging Spider-Man’s grave, and now we continue to cut to said grave now that it’s occupied. The lady wakes up in the sewer, surrounded by rats and whatnot, as green text ruminates on how people from “up there” smell different and pretend they’re better than him. A figure approaches.
Not a great name, buddy! This guy was created by DeMatteis for his Captain America run. He was mutated into a ratman by Baron Zemo & Arnim Zola to be used against Cap. He was last seen in a 1983 issue of MTU we haven’t covered yet, also by DeMatteis, where Cap & Spidey fought him together. Now he’s back. As we leave that poor woman to her fate, Mary Jane finally makes an appearance in this story.
In MJ’s case, the other textbox feels like an intrusive thought. That makes sense. It just wasn’t working with Spidey last issue. MJ spots a rat in her apartment. Wielding one of her trademark giant boots, she hunts it down, arguing internally about whether Peter is dead or not.
Having a bit of a breakdown, there. Everybody in this story having some sort of mental break on the same Tuesday sure is convenient! Then we check in with Kraven, prowling the night as Spider-Man. He narrates that it’s not enough to kill The Spider, he must now become The Spider, proving himself superior (There’s a loaded word in world of Spider-Man).
He proceeds to crawl around his house like the weirdo he is (Thankfully wordlessly for awhile) before winding up back in his spider room or whatever, where he remembers he’s not The Spider, he’s still Kraven, and “his metamorphosis is not complete.” He begins to ask himself why he’s doing this (Valid!) while drinking the mixture of herbs that gives him his power out of a bowl on the ground like a dog, “shattering his Kravenness and letting the Spiderness in.” Like, a grown man wrote that, and Marvel published it. He starts freaking out and has a Gollum/Smeagol-type argument about whether his dad was a cool guy or not while breaking all the glass in the spider room. He is eventually blaming The Spider for turning Russia to communism (I wish I was joking) when this happens:
Sure, man, why not? Why argue with anything, at this point? Everyone’s on peyote. There are FOUR more issues of this. We cut back to Vermin, who has apparently eaten that woman, so that’s nice. He sees a newspaper with Spider-Man on it, and even though he can’t remember the word “newspaper,” or what reading is, or anything about his life before yesterday, immediately recognizes the black suited Spider-Man as the red and blue guy he fought one time. Again, sure, why not? Why should anything make any sense? That leads him to recall Captain America, also.
Seeing that spider scared him so bad he has to eat a rat just to calm his nerves. Hey, we’ve all been there. Meanwhile, MJ is out on the streets in the rain, looking for Peter, pretty sure she’ll find him dead. She rather rightly asks herself what she’s doing when a couple of dudes start catcalling her. Stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Hang on what’s Kraven doing? Still fighting a giant pile of spiders shaped like a big spider and saying insane things to himself, the usual. He’s having an internal struggle, telling himself he just made up this “The Spider” thing to justify the fact that a guy in a spider suit beat him so many times, and aaaaaalmost stops being ridiculous, but then he’s back to punching the big spider swarm and raving. Vermin is hearing a voice beckoning him to the surface (Yet again, sure, why not?)
Sigh. Back to MJ, those two jerks start chasing her, as you expected, and she runs into an alley, as you expected, and then Spider-Man shows up. Sort of.
Kraven got changed and go back to Manhattan REAL fast. Like, teleportation fast. And then just happened to pick Mary Jane as his first person to rescue as Spider-Man. Sure thing, man, that’s not wild lazy writing or anything. Kraven leaps away, MJ obviously realizes that wasn’t the real Spider-Man, Vermin emerges from the sewer to go find Spider-Man, and that’s it for this issue. Fudge Stripes haunt the back of this issue, as well. Tune in next time for more armchair psychoanalysis, cannibalism, and rain. Spider-Man is still dead.