Haha, what? Yes, this is happening! Did you know Marvel Comics was heavily involved in the creation of GI Joe & Transformers in the 80s? Transformers was like 2 or 3 different Japanese toylines Hasbro got ahold of, and then they brought them to Marvel like, “What can you make of this?” So, it’s only natural they had a comic book with Spider-Man in it. As far as I’m concerned, this is canon. I’ve had this for many years. I think my Mom found it at a thrift store, if memory serves, and just assumed I’d like it. I don’t know that I’ve ever actually read it. Don’t get me wrong, I had a handful of Transformers comics when I was a kid, but they were so different from the cartoon that I found them weird and confusing, so it’s not a line a followed. This I held onto for its novelty value. If I’ve read it, I forgot it. Let’s do this.
Future Spidey group editor Jim Salicrup writes, Frank Springer draws, Kim DeMulder & Mike Esposito share inking credit and Nel Yomotov colors. We join the story already in progress. Sparkplug, one of the two humans who hang out with the Autobots, appears to have been kidnapped by Starscream, the most beloved Decepticon jet, and his trusty sidekicks Skywarp & Thundercracker (What a name!). They take him to the Decepticons’ fortress, where the whole gang of baddies gathers around to be mean to him.
They heard he’s got “technical facility” and want him to convert regular human fuel to something they can use. This guy’s a mechanic, but they apparently think he’s a chemist. Sparkplug is not with it.
That would never have been on the cartoon, that’s hilarious. Now we check in with the good guys, including Sparkplug’s son, who on the cartoon was named Spike, but who here and in other non-animated media was inexplicably named BUSTER. The kid stand-in character can’t be named BUSTER, no one aspires to be BUSTER. Spike sounded cool and tuff!
None of these other humans were on the cartoon, I don’t know who they are. The good guys are also low on fuel (They don’t call it “Energon” in the comics like they did on TV), and have to go home to gas up before they can go free Sparkplug, so BUSTER goes with them. As the Autobots speed off, a motorcycle cop tries to pull them over!
This is pretty hilarious stuff. The heroes get home and refuel while, back with the villains, Sparkplug has been scared into agreeing to help, but he needs supplies, so the Decepticons go on a crime spree to steal him parts and equipment. And that gets attention. We get quick reactions from The White House, Moscow, Nick Fury himself (Who obliquely references Marvel’s Godzilla comics. Godzilla, Transformers and the Marvel Superheroes, all one universe!), and Joe Robertson, who sends Peter Parker to get some pictures! Finally! The Army and the press have pretty much surrounded The Deceptions’ big goofy castle.
As the Decepticons send their fliers out to mess up the military, Spider-Man makes a friend:
Gears saves some reporters from being crushed by a tank Thundercracker threw at them, so now Spidey believes he’s a good guy. He’s ready to take the fight to The Decepticons, but Gears wants to go tell Optimus, uh, something. He doesn’t really say. The Army begins to pull back, realizing they’re outgunned, while back at The Autobots’ base, The Ark, Spidey meets the rest of the gang.
This is so absurd, I’m kinda loving it. The good guys engage the bad guys as The Army fires on all of them, and Gears and his new best friend Spider-Man push on to the Decepticon fortress. Then, out of nowhere:
My man just fell off the cliff! Did he not realize he was out of gas? He’s a living thing, he should notice things like that. Insane. Soundwave sort of senses that Gears has entered the base, except its a drawing of Megaton calling himself Soundwave (This IS only issue 3 of a licensed property, I guess), while Gears and Spidey encounter some unwitting foes…
They fight their way through traps and Ravage and Soundwave before hitting a dead end.
Spidey webs Sparkplug & Gears, but Gears is too heavy, and falls a really long way to the earth below. His fellow Autobots gather up his exploded parts as Spidey & Sparkplug look on, horrified that they don’t seem upset, but when they get back to The Ark…
Kinda weird Spidey left before Gears was revived. What a wild ride. Feel like they crammed a whole lot into this issue. I’m sure things worked out in the next issue, but I can’t say for sure. The first issue of Transformers I ever read as a kid, published years after this one, featured the Autobots all pulling their heads off and killing themselves as a prelude to selling the new “Headmasters” line of toys, where a big robot’s head transformed into a little robot. It was SO weird. It was not my beloved TV show. Who’s to say the good guys won in issue 4? We’ll never know.