So, to answer the question from last post about when Marvel Comics would go back to 32 pages from 52, the answer is “immediately.” Like, this issue. That’s weird. Chaos in the accounting department. Anyway, look at that wild cover. This is going to be a weird one. Our story begins as they often do, with Spider-Man stopping a robbery. He’s distracted, though, because he has no idea how to talk to Gwen after having to ditch her the last few days. He swings away critiquing his own banter.
I feel like Spidey’s really overselling how often people used to say “pardon my palm,” but I dunno, I wasn’t there. The late night meeting at The Bugle, featuring JJJ, Robbie and a roomful of allegedly important people we have never seen and may never see again, has to do with the paper being in trouble. There are a lot of causes, but JJJ says the biggest is television. He says they can’t compete with TV, even as he has the TV on during a meeting, and then immediately gets engrossed in said TV. Kinda proves his point, I guess. A dude is on the Dick Cavett show is saying he encountered a monster in Antarctica. He’s drawn a sketch…
JJJ has his mind made up in an instant. The Bugle is going to The Savage Land. Ka-Zar, a transparent Tarzan knockoff who lives in a secret prehistoric jungle, has appeared in ASM a couple times, so JJJ knows all about it. Specifically, JJJ is going to go himself, and he wants Peter Parker to take the pictures. Robbie doesn’t think it’s right to send “someone Peter’s age” to such a dangerous place (As opposed to…?), but Jonah isn’t hearing it. The next day, Peter is doing a terrible job of patching things up with Gwen (“I wish I could tell you where I was, but I just can’t.” Airtight. Bulletproof. Great work), when Robbie calls.
As Peter drags Gwen off down the hall, we look back in on JJJ, who is brooding about the trip. He says something is missing, something he can’t put his finger on. Then Pete & Gwen show up. Pete says he has something to say, but JJJ cuts him off. He’s found the missing ingredient:
I know this story, and I don’t know why. I don’t think I’ve read this issue. Certainly didn’t own it until just recently. Maybe it was referenced in a later comic. Maybe it’ll come to me. Anyway, I’m not sure Roy Thomas has much of a handle on what “male chauvinist pig” means, but Gwen eventually says she’ll go. There’s a montage of everyone getting ready and traveling over the next 48 hours while Robbie worries that this thing is so expensive that it will either save The Bugle or kill it, and then our gang lands in Antarctica. JJJ, Pete, Gwen & Calkin, the guy from TV (I don’t think he’s gotten a first name yet) stop at an army base, then head out to find the way into The Savage Land…
Intense! I remember now: Spider-Man Saga. Marvel did a miniseries in the 90s recapping Spidey’s life to that point, prose with lots of panels from the original comics. That’s where I saw (some) of this, and a lot of other classic Spidey moments for the first time. Anyway, the gang land their helicopter in the jungle, seemingly with no particular destination in mind, and disembark. JJJ is raring to go, and tells Gwen to “get into her outfit.” Peter has no idea what this means, and that’s creepy enough, but then…
The printing error on JJJ’s face only makes that more uncomfortable. On the next page, they’ve found a big statue of a monster with a gong at the base. Calkin’s here to prove he’s not crazy. He just wants pictures of the monster. JJJ’s here for the whole spectacle. He decides Ka-Zar must’ve made this gong, and rings it before anyone can stop him. Someone should have stopped him.
The, uh, locals advance on our heroes, but are afraid of the statue. And with good reason, it turns out, because they’re not the only ones it summoned…
That is… a very weird design. GOG reaches down and picks up Gwen, because of course he does, and Peter Parker pulls a pistol on him and starts shooting! Whaaaaat? He can’t hurt the thing, it’s too tough, but whaaaaaat? Pete grabs the expedition’s “gas bombs” and chases off after the escaping Gog. But Gog slaps the crap out of him. Slaps him what looks like a distance of miles, over Calkin & JJJ’s head, and then off a cliff and down a waterfall. Sheesh.
J. Jonah Jameson: Avenger! Pete’s fine somehow. He wore his Spidey suit just in case, and even though he thinks Spider-Man showing up here will blow his secret, he doesn’t care with Gwen’s life on the line. So why change at all, I ask you? If he’s willing to come clean, just swing up there as Peter Parker. Ah, well, I don’t write ‘em. At any rate, in the meantime, Gog has taken Gwen to his new friend… Kraven the Hunter. What? Yes. He just happens to be here, too. Gwen recognizes Kraven from past Spidey adventures, and he seems to know her, too. She wants to know why Gog took here and not the others…
Oy. While this is happening, JJJ and Calkin stomp through the jungle until they’re face-to-face with Zabu, Ka-Zar’s sabretooth tiger companion. JJJ panics and runs, but of course, he’s in no danger, and then Ka-Zar appears. JJJ explains his situation, and Ka-Zar takes off to save Gwen.
He’s not the only one, though, as we find Spider-Man leaping through the trees following Gog’s huge footprints. He winds up in a fight with a giant snake that I guess he just straight up murders…
…and then finally sees Gog off in the distance. But Gog just crossed a river, and Spidey is afraid of what might be living in said river, so he bends back a tree and uses it to slingshot himself over the river…
Trying to get in all the cliches we can, I guess. Come back next time, for the conclusion of this especially wacky adventure.