I never really mark the passage of time on this blog. I do these things so far in advance. I don’t even want to speculate what January 2025 is like from May 2023. Alright, let’s get this nonsense over with. An “Mtv News” style thing recaps on page one before we return to the scene, where Spider-Man is fruitlessly trying to find out what’s happening and also being made to pose with spring breakers.
The Macarena was like 1996! Did Zeb Wells get out of cryogenic freeze to write these issues? As Spider-Man retires to Crisco’s room, which is full of a bunch of transphobic “jokes” that have ages like milk, some dudes on the beach are eaten by Sandman, who finds his mind is filling up with memories of his victims in addition to his own so Wells can swing a bat at the various pop stars a little while longer, and where we get ANOTHER transphobic “joke” about Crisco, good grief. Man, given the current climate, I could just remind a comics news site this issue exists and Wells would have to go into hiding. At any rate, Sandman reveals he didn’t kidnap any of these people on purpose, that his body seemed to respond to stimuli while his mind was scattered, but having these other consciousnesses in him has helped him pull himself together, as it were, and we see a silhouette of Sandman reconstituting on the beach. Next day, Spider-Man is briefly harassed by analogs of the cast of the Real World and then there’s some digs at Lenny Kravitz for a song that had been off the radio for nearly 10 years, at this point, and I am REALLY having trouble getting through this dreck.
Hey, that song was only about a year old when this came out, that was nearly topical! On the one hand, I feel like Jim Mahfood deserved better. On the other, I think he was probably very on board with this material. There is some light fighting and various “jokes” and then Sandman eats faux-Lenny Kravitz as the Sonic Tv lady has an idea. Then Sandman devours stand-ins for Destiny’s Child…
Sandman explodes, spewing celebrities everywhere. Spidey catches a few who’re too high in the air, then says a quip to a reporter that bombs before leaving the scene.
Well, I’m sure glad that’s over. Good grief. I had this vague memory of not enjoying these comics, but I guarantee they’re way worse now. And speaking of worse, while Paul Jenkins is back next issue, there’s something even worse than the Mark Buckingham assembly line taking over on art chores for a bit…