ASS 1

ASS (Not my fault!) features a plot by Tom DeFalco this month, presaging his move to writing ASM when this is over, with a script by Mike Lackey. The art team of Bagley, Mahlstedt & Sharen hang in there. Things start silly.

OooooOooooOOOooo, a virtual reality visor! I mean, Facebook makes these now. Anyway, Doc Ock is given the news that her facility has been breached, and when her goons ask permission to flee, she just blows the place up. And as it happens, The Scarlet Spider is in the neighborhood as it goes up.

Scarlet quickly disables the goon and takes the dumb VR visor off him. Then the cops show and he flees with it, thinking it seems like the one Seward designed (Again, what exactly is Seward’s area of expertise)? Tso’s goons watch him go, worried about their future. But Scarlet is off to switch to Ben and start work for Mr. Tso, himself.

The millions it cost to build! MILLIONS! The preposterously named Norton G. Fester, aka The Looter FKA The Meteor Man, is getting out of The Vault after serving his time. The mysterious face on the screen knows this, because he has “unlimited access to government files” due to the internet (As if government agencies were that quick to get online), and he’s sent some of Carolyn’s goons to recruit The Looter, which seems odd, the screen face can command her army. But, what about this holds up to any scrutiny, really? How does she have goons? How does she have all these high tech safehouses? What does she do? How long has she been doing it? No answers are forthcoming. Anyway, Ben Reilly is working.

Oh, you Peter Parkers and your redheads. Tso threatens his goon and whatnot and then reveals HE has a face on a screen telling HIM what to do, too! Different face, tho. Meanwhile, Ben Reilly heads to Seward’s place with groceries.

All types of redheads! All types of redheads I don’t remember. But having seen the Spider-Ben era already, I know neither of these ladies is going to be proceeding through the series, so… that’s weird. Ben heads home and shows Seward the visor. He’s very impressed, saying it’s far more advanced than his own, then immediately tries it out. This alerts Doc Ock’s screen face buddy, of course, so as Seward manifests in the stupid, stupid virtual world, he’s met by “VR-37,” a big robot, who attacks him.

So stupid. Ben thinks there’s only one thing to do and straps on Seward’s own VR helmet. “Virtual Reality” is apparently a fixed place, since Ben appears right by the struggling Seward, looking like The Scarlet Spider. He assumes the helmet is “highlighting his subconscious need to protect his identity,” which is ludicrous. Doc Ock is alerted to his presence, as well.

He “used his scientific knowledge” to… let me check my notes… ah, PUT ON A HELMET. Genius. Why is Stunner there? On the next page, Ben says he doesn’t even know who she is! Seward informs him VR-37 is holding them here, preventing them from “pulling the mental plug.” He creates armor and weapons for himself to fight the digital villains, instructing Ben to go fight VR-37.

This is so tedious. Ben is doing well against his foe, and Seward encourages him to press the attack. Ben thinks Peter Parker would never give up and does so.