MKSM 01

The ugly Spider-Man font is back. Why? Boy, I have been dreading this one. I have alluded to not being a fan of Mark Millar’s in past posts about Ultimate X-Men, but now we come to it. After the brand was created for Joe Quesada and Jimmy Palmiotti to relaunch some Marvel properties who could use a new shine, Marvel Knights slowly became something else over the years. A book launching under Marvel Knights, or suddenly being rebranded as Marvel Knights, meant it was going to… I don’t know what, really. Different. “Edgier,” I guess. More adult, but not MAX adult. After the initial launches (Daredevil, Black Panther, Punisher, Inhumans), Elektra was the first character to get an ongoing MK series, which made sense, she fit in with DD and Punisher. Various miniseries like Marvel Boy, a very weird FF mini, the Black Widow minis that introduced Yelena Belova, a Dr. Strange one, The Jeph Loeb and Tim Sale series of color-themed minis about superheroes crying over their dead girlfriends (I am so not joking), all manner of short projects. A strange non-team book called Marvel Knights launched featuring many of the characters who’d had books under the umbrella so far. Captain America relaunched as a Marvel Knights book when they started doing the ill-advised “Cap vs. Terrorism” thing in 2002. But then, things started to shift. Bill Jemas, after a storied and stupid dustup with the then-current Fantastic Four creative team wherein he tried to make them totally rework the book, fired them for not doing it, and then rehired them after firing the best FF team since the mid-80s sparked immense fan outcry. But, as we saw with Ultimate Venom, he was tenacious with his bad ideas, and so he just launched a new FF book with a different team doing what he wanted, and that was Marvel Knights 4. And then, June 2004 issues of existing Wolverine, Hulk and 2 X-books also got the banner across the cover, without changing creative course or personnel. Just ‘cuz. Perhaps because people thought the banner just helped a book sell better. Whatever “Marvel Knights” meant, it didn’t seem to mean that anymore. And the same month as the above books mysteriously rebranded as Marvel Knights, this launched. Because who among the Marvel pantheon needs some extra exposure more than Spider-Man? The guy’s a nobody! So, we have Mark Millar’s take on Spider-Man. Millar, known for bleak, mean-spirited books where shock came first, story came second and character came fourth or fifth, set loose on Spider-Man for an entire year. I was not excited, but I bought in, because I’m stupid. Along for the ride was the husband & wife team of Terry and Rachel Dodson, who’d been making a splash around comics for several years by this point, working for Marvel, DC, some Dark Horse Star Wars, all manner of things. And Avalon Studios is on hand to color. These days, Terry colors his work himself after Rachel inks it, but I guess that would’ve been slow for the Marvel machine. Oh, I forgot, the cover is a wraparound:

This is actually the Dodsons’ second swing at Spider-Man. Fresh off his Daredevil run, Kevin Smith began a miniseries called Spider-Man/Black Cat: The Evil That Men Do that they worked on. It was pretty much solely about sexualizing Black Cat, making Spider-Man do some of Smith’s gay baiting humor that wasn’t too great then and would get him crucified today, and allowed Smith to saddle Felicia with a crappy rape backstory. And if all that wasn’t bad enough, they only got 2 or 3 (I forget) of the proposed 5 issues out before Smith ghosted them. He would return years later to finish the series, but the extant issues were terrible, so instead of buying the rest, I’d already sold the ones I had. Smith would also write one whole issue of a comic called Daredevil: Target, which was to heavily feature Bullseye to coincide with the DD movie, but then he vanished, and Bendis wasn’t able to use Bullseye in his DD for a long time because everyone was waiting around for Smith. That series was never finished. Anyway. At least the writer doesn’t bail on the Dodsons this time. Here’s the thing, tho:

Yes. This is happening. Issue 1 of this was published between issues 2 and 3 of the Pulse. How were you meant to read them? What came first? Who knew? It became quite frustrating when Pulse 5 came out. Well, the guy we just saw go to prison battles Spider-Man through Sunday morning traffic as our hero’s internal monologue waxes poetic wondering what normal people do on a Sunday morning.

I mean, that’s some pretty typical Millar, the steak knife business. Subtle, he is not.

I mean, we’re, what, 7 pages into this 12-issue run and I’m ready to bail.

The smartest New Yorkers in the world. The one who blew up the bombs demands Spider-Man fly him to the hospital, while others call for him to be arrested and others ridicule him, the usual, mostly. The cops arrive and Spider-Man vanishes. Cut to Forest Hills, where the narration says Aunt May was moving house. Where? To the old house? Out of it? Since when? Peter arrives by cab, looking brutally beaten, and MJ acts like nothing is wrong, because Mark Millar doesn’t understand human emotions. She asks if it’s true what they heard, that he “finally got Osborn busted.” Peter goes and throws up in the sink.

I mean, what is this? Is MJ having a psychotic break? The next page confirms May is moving out of the house. Why? Since when? This might as well be an alternate reality. May talks for awhile about how people told her to move out when Ben died, but she never felt the need to, while using several very British phrases that don’t sound right at all, because even the best British writers can’t seem to work that out.

It is a strange but fun thing that Dodson has made toys on the shelves of Jameson’s Spider-Slayer f0orm ASM 58, the robot from ASM 8, and the Spider-Mobile.

Who’s that guy? Who knows, I remember aspects of this (All bad), but not all of it. Well, next day, Peter’s in school, only the kids are all telling each other about how he used to be a famous photographer. One says he gets paid a royalty anytime someone uses one of Peter’s photos.

If you didn’t know you were reading a Millar comic, that kid saying he’s married to “a goddamn super-model, jackass” is about all you needed. Well, either him or Frank Miller circa this same period, I guess. The phone call leads to Peter in a graveyard, standing over the smashed headstone of Uncle Ben. The guy who called is apologetic, saying people vandalize headstones sometimes, and it’s terrible, but he can rest easy knowing it wasn’t personal. Then Peter gets a phone call.

I will tell you right now, there’s no way this person on the phone knows Peter used to eat wheatcakes. Basically the only person who could know that is Ben Reilly, and it’s not him. Which makes this stupid, lazy, terrible writing, or a really sad attempt at a red herring. Which would be worse? Peter bolts, half making an excuse about a family emergency but too worried to sell it. We see him swinging through the city as fast as possible, not even having stopped to change.