It’s come to this. As has been mentioned previously, Fast Lane was an anti-drug comic that ran in 4 parts through all the Marvel comics in 8-page installments, making it actually come out to more pages than a regular issue in total. We’ve seen several health & safety promo comics starring our man on the blog before, but Fast Lane was jammed into your real comics, interrupting them for 8 pages. They were not well received. And I have never read them all together, so here we go. Writer Glen Herdling, penciler Gregg Schigiel, inker Richard Case and the late, great colorist Paul Mounts probably never lived this one down, but it’s not their fault they got assigned this job. As Spidey dodges around the giant Mysterio’s attacks, he lets us know who Mysterio is in case we don’t before expositing that a critic saying the new Zane Whelan movie having the best special effects ever has caused Mysty go to on a rampage against the movie. Then he spots a projector that he webs to get rid of the giant Mysterio. That was easy.
I trust you see where this is going. JJJ doesn’t back down, but Sam doesn’t care because he, Peter and Toni are off to go interview Zane Whelan for their feature. Peter pulls Toni aside and asks what Sam’s deal is, and she helpfully lets us know he’s prone to hero worship and has even started smoking GRASS to be like Zane Whelan. Grass! It is 1999!! Soon, the trio are in a Daily Bugle van ridiculously adorned with the cover of the Fast Lane supplement that isn’t even out yet, driving to their interview, Sam driving, when he thinks someone’s following them, and then the van shakes violently.
Egads. This leads to the most hilarious, cringe-inducing splash of the series as Part 2 begins:
“My bowl! Whoaaaaa!” is burned into my brain. Between having seen this in literally every Marvel comic I bought and how hilarious it was, it made an impression.
Absurd. Peter & Toni scoop up Sam and drive off as Mysterio rages above them, Sam grabbing his precious pipe before they go. Toni and Peter judge him to his face for smoking, which is always the PERFECT way to get through to someone, and he throws a little tantrum. Then they arrive at the set of… the Fast Lane music video?… where Whelan and his costar are about to do a stunt. As action is called, they play the soundtrack, and the lyrics are hilarious…
I mean, jeez. Like weed movies were having something of a resurgence in this period, but they were WEED MOVIES. Half Baked and the like. They weren’t secretly trying to brainwash your children, they were straight up about smoking weed. This feels so out of touch. But, then, what anti-drug material doesn’t? Toni’s moralizing is similarly awkward. If showing people doing dangerous things was so bad, you probably shouldn’t read Spider-Man comics. Then Whelan chews out the whole crew and storms to his trailer, Sam doesn’t care, and Peter’s danger sense goes off, so he makes an excuse about getting some photos and slips away.
I do like Spidey’s grip joke.
As Spidey battles Mysterio, Sam drives around hallucinating (You know, like people on weed do), saying that even if Zane Whelan is fake, his image is still great and worth emulating. Try to lay it on a LITTLE thicker, guys. Back at the set, Spidey easily defeats Mysterio for a 2nd time in this story before learning Sam drove off in the van “and he was smoking POT!” Gasp. Being a complete idiot, Sam has driven out to the Brooklyn Bridge to replicate Zane’s stunt, expressly without wires, to prove he’s a true rebel. Like he literally says that. He does this by parking his van in the middle of the bridge! Not the sharpest tool in the shed, our Sam.
The stretch on that “Helllllp” makes the “p” stop reading. “HELLLLLLL!” Hell was this stuff interrupting every comic you bought for 4 months. Meanwhile, Spider-Man’s looking for Sam when the Human Torch just happens by and decides to help. Then they spot the fire on the bridge immediately, what luck.
This is the 2nd time Sam’s been falling to his death in the same story. What a life for that guy.
Hey, that makes no sense, but who cares, we’re in the home stretch. Spidey dives down toward the van to try to get Sam out and flee, but then it stops falling.
Storm was at a charity event?
Wolverine was at a charity event?? SPIDER-GIRL????? I seem to recall they were using this “Spider-Girl” in mass market things. Kids books and toys and such. But she doesn’t exist in the Marvel U. I guess this isn’t canon? What an odd choice. Why not just use the current Spider-Woman, or better yet, a non-spider-themed young woman like Firestar or Jubilee? Well, anyway, it’s time to wrap this up with some very heavy handed messaging.
Sam really enjoys pointing. Weird that they don’t show you the article at all. Well, that’s that. One thing that strikes me about this is how Schigiel’s work, which would have fit right into the Marvel ethos only a year before, feels so cartoony and out of place in these comics. I rambled in a previous post about how this period saw Marvel playing it safe and returning to a more classical art style, installing people like Byrne and Romita, Jr. and Perez and Alan Davis on their biggest titles, like they associated the more cartoony style they’d been pushing with their bankruptcy or whatever. The change was quick and drastic and makes these supplements feel all the stranger. I’m focused in on Schigiel because everyone else who worked on this was a pro to varying degrees, enjoying long careers in the business. Schigiel did a little work at Marvel in the late 90s, but this is by far the thing he’s most recognizable for to most of us, and that’s really not fair to him, given how annoyed readers were by these inserts. 8 pages of preachy filler aimed at people younger than the average reader of the period in all your books 4 times was really not well received. Schigiel seems to have had a good sense of humor about it, tho. In this period, the Bullpen Bulletins page ran a comic strip by Chris Giarusso called Bullpen Bits, and Gregg contributed to one he did one making fun of Fast Lane.
The framing panels reference Earth X, a super-popular alternate future thing by Jim Kreuger, Alex Ross and the late, great Jean Paul Leon (My god, do I have to do Earth X? Spider-Man’s in it, but not a lot), and the Fast Lane part references this (in)famous Green Lantern & Green Arrow cover from the 70s by the late, great Neal Adams:
That very famous story was DC’s answer to ASM 96-98’s anti-drug message, much more heavy handed and silly while also using straight up heroin instead of Lee & Kane’s nondescript “pills,” so the reference was really inspired. Schigiel seems to have gone on to cultivate a really nice cartooning style and done a lot of kid-themed stuff since this. Good for him! And I think this is the last educational anti-drug thing I ever have to cover, so good for me!