In December ‘98, a shocking zero mainline Spider-Man comics were published for the first time since August 1963. But they did publish this! Not much of a consolation prize. Having expanded AF15 to a full issue, we now get to stuff that was full-length to begin with. Hopefully with less tampering, but I don’t remember too well. I remember something that is SUCH a drag about this series, but it doesn’t start til issue 3 or 4, I think. These covers evoking the originals sure aren’t working too hard to make this seem modern and contemporary. Byrne did improve the composition on this one, tho. I think this is the last one that’s so devoted to the original. As we get rolling, we flashback to before Uncle Ben died, because why not make this as complicated as possible, as Spider-Man has gone to the bank to open an account.
“Maybe if I terrorize this lady I can get what I want!”
Who knew terrorizing the teller was the right move the whole time? I love the idea that he’d have to do his routine every time he comes to make a transaction. Quite a departure from the original, but one assumes a 2nd shoe is looming overhead. And look, in the interest of removing coincidences, Byrne has Chameleon just happen to be at the bank in disguise! 0/10! The next page awkwardly devotes 2 panels to Peter Parker, broke teenager, randomly showing up at the house with a brand-new washer & dryer and refusing to say how he afforded it. And May & Ben just roll with it. JEEEEEZ. Then snaps to the present, with Peter throwing his costume and despairing like in the beginning of ASM 1.Then he hears the landlord come looking for money, telling May he’d already given Ben several months’ grace period, and Peter realizes to his horror that they spent the rent on his computer and “scientific equipment.” Which begs the question: Why? Are they stupid? Isn’t it cleaner to just say 2 pensioners couldn’t afford a big house in Queens? Must every unnecessary “explanation” for something actually make it worse? Soon, Spider-Man turns back up at the bank only to find his account’s been cleaned out by someone with a webgun who could scale walls “with suckers.” So Peter’s not the only sucker, got it. Furious, Spider-Man runs off to try to book new gigs. Byrne is consistently and intentionally drawing the eyes on the mask so far apart Peter wouldn’t be able to see out of them. It sucks.
You don’t have to be an expert on anatomy or drawing or whatever. Look at Maxie’s face next to Spider-Man’s. Peter cannot see.
Byrne’s art may be sketchy and unfinished looking and his Spider-Man may be wall-eyed, but he still draws a great Doom. More consolidation. If Chameleon had the ability to contact Spider-Man on his danger sense like a radio in issue 1, and Doom did, too, in issue 5, instead of removing what became, in retrospect, an incredibly stupid plot device, why not just join them together? Meanwhile, at “a facility in New Jersey,” some hazmat-suited doctors puzzle over what to do for Otto Octavius, until his tentacles rise up and skewer them all. Then, we get the explanation for something that didn’t need one…
Thank goodness he explained why the spider was blue in AF 15 and red later. I’m sure it had been keeping people up at night for 35 years. Well, Spider-Man’s battle with the FF is about the same as in the original, although Ben tells Reed to “unlax,” which… what? Would’ve been fun to integrate the longer version from the FF Annual, but he’s already jammed so much extra stuff in here that he doesn’t have room, I guess. Byrne was always a solid artist, even not necessarily in his prime anymore, but trying to restage Ditko action is a suicide mission. You can’t touch the master.
Why is Johnny’s suit green? Maybe he was planning a 12-issue series to explain that later. Are all these posts gonna be this spicy? I mean, maybe! Hang on, tho, here’s a previous retcon being retained:
If there’s one thing Byrne loves as much as superheroes, it’s sexualizing underage girls! Coulda picked any outfit ever designed, and you went with a crop top and daisy dukes for this FIFTEEN YEAR OLD. Comics is an insane business. “Your spider powers will allow you to sense this message.” How, exactly? Show your work. Guy thinks he can fundamentally alter Spider-Man’s origin because it “doesn’t make sense” and leaves this in. Unreal. And then he adds some brand-new nonsense.
“Today’s readers are too savvy to buy things like open air radiation experiments, but NASA letting a newspaper have direct access to mission control is totally cool.” So Chameleon goes to escape in his chopper and Spider-Man shows up to get blamed for his crimes and be confused. Then he notes the chopper and swings up to it, capturing the villain and dragging him down to… the NASA control room in the friggin newspaper office, this is KILLING me. Spider-Man tells the science dudes that if they can call up the Air Force and give him a “virus-proof motherboard” (Hur hur hur), he can get it onto the space shuttle. So, soon, he’s in a fighter jet, and then he’s climbing out of it.
Same broad strokes, almost all changes negative. That’s Chapter One! And as that blurb implies, for some insane reason, next issue he’s gonna cram the momentous first appearance of Doc Ock into his retelling of ASM 2. It just gets worse…