Now this is just ridiculous. Launching a brand-new title with a character you’ve just shuffled off the board. As we’ve already seen, as of issue 2, it’s the Ben Spider-Man, but for some reason, they did this first. Some pretty generic faux-Jim Lee art here from Ken Lashley, who is still active today and way, way, way better now. Everybody has to start somewhere. I managed to forget these team-up books were oversized. I hope it’s worth it. This issue’s story is by Mark Waid & Tom Peyer, and Ken Lashley is joined by inkers Vince Russell & Al Milgrom and colorist Tom Smith on art duties. A note says this issue takes place before TAC 229 despite being published 2 months later, as we open on Spider-Man swinging around thinking about how he’s a clone and such, the usual. He swings past The Hellfire Club, where X-Men villain Shinobi Shaw is briefly concerned about Spidey’s proximity. Yes, they named a guy “Shinobi Shaw.” Not my idea, don’t blame me.
Now this is some aggressively 90s art. I must reiterate that Ken is way, way better now. The Hellfire Club is a long-standing X-Men thing, and Shinobi Shaw, son of classic villain Sebastian Shaw, is currently their leader. He decides they’ll settle this beef by having their agents fight over JJJ. Kine’s goons will try to kill him, Shinobi’s goons will try to stop him. Whoever gets what they want is the leader of the Club. Ok, sure. Meanwhile, at The Daily Bugle, some random lady is refusing to pay Peter for some Spider-Man shots even tho JJJ already approved them, which make very little sense, so he leaves. Peter walks off thinking about being a clone and such, the usual until JJJ yells for him.
“Give yourself updog” “What’s updog?” Awfully careless with the ol’ secret identity, there, Pete. Oh, hang on, time to get The X-Men involved…
Jean Grey loves Dave Letterman, You heard it here first. Back at The Bugle, would you believe Spider-Man shows up to oppose the goons? I know, crazy. They disappear in a “FAASHH,” but no sooner do they leave than Shinobi’s opposing team arrives.
Meanwhile, the creative team continues to let you know what they think of Cats…
…and we’re almost ready for the team-up this book is supposed to feature. The psychic scream or whatever lead the X-Gang toward The Daily Bugle building, to their surprise, as inside, Spider-Man kicks one of Shinobi’s shinobis in the face as Kine’s more colorful goons reappear and knock JJJ down an elevator shaft.
One of the ninjas snatches up JJJ, not registering any mental activity among the telepaths, but then the other guys show up and start fighting the ninjas, all-but ignoring The X-Men.
Spidey has spent the whole issue feeling upset that he’s a clone, even though that’s supposed to be resolved by now, so he’s upset by this copy talk. Maybe being upset makes his fingers crazy long. The X-Men get another mental zap, and then we cut to more bickering by Shaw & Kine before rejoining our heroes as they descend on The Hellfire Club.
Kine’s inside gloating as his man brings in JJJ, but the one of the ninjas swoops in and steals him again, so Shaw refuses to end the contest. And then the heroes blast their way in. Their dramatic entrance allows Spider-Man a moment to web an unconscious JJJ out of the clutches of the ninja.
Not sure why Beast’s undies are yellow in this. Archangel swoops in to play his part in this weird game of JJJ keep away as Pyslocke disables one of the white nights. But the other zaps Warren, so Spidey grabs him, only to get zapped himself by the ebon knights. A lot of zappin’ going around as JJJ falls into the bad guys’ hands yet again. For a sec.
Spidey webs Jameson’s eyes, and while The X-Men distract the knights, he stashes his boss in a dumbwaiter. When JJJ wakes and demands to know who did this to him, Spidey says he’s The Scarlet Spider, which is pretty funny.
Spidey convinces the X-Men to focus on the white ones since Shaw said he’d “pacify” his ones. Spider-Man notices a ridiculous pattern in the enemy’s teleporting, that they move like knights on a chess board, allowing the heroes to anticipate and knock them out. Shaw’s lady Tessa sends a wave of psychic agony at the X-Men’s psychics to try to cover their escape, but Jean & Betsy send it right back to her.
Y’all got to chill with all this copy talk, Spider-Man is feeling very sensitive today.
Very confusing. If this book is written with the idea that Peter is retiring with MJ, then shouldn’t it be the Peter who’s all happy and accepted his place in life, rather than this mope? I’m so very tired of this mope. Well, good thing the issue’s over. The way I run this blog makes for some weird experiences. I assume this series wasn’t meant to be read issues 2-6, 1, then 7. But that’s how I’m doin’ it.