It’s been so long I don’t even remember which regular writer on ASM did 579. Or what it was about, or anything else. Oh, right, Mark Waid and Marcos Martin showing everyone how it’s done. Well, this time out, we got Dan Slott, Mike McKone, Andy Lanning and Jeromy Cox on deck.
Cop guy at the bottom looks weirdly like JK Simmons, the guy who played J. Jonah Jameson in the movies. We’re still doing this? I thought New Ways to Die had brought an awkward and unsatisfying end to this Spider Tracer Killer thing.
Our man is well and truly set up now. He goes home, beating himself up for it, just in time to get a phone call from one Harry Osborn. I am quite interested to learn Harry is driving out to New Jersey to see Liz and Normie tomorrow, and wants to know if Peter will come, because he “needs some back up” and “Liz always liked you.” Harry not being dead and also not being married to Liz anymore seems weird to me, so maybe this will be useful. The next day, in the kind of hilarious, lazy manner that seems common in this era, the whole cast of the book is conveniently at the Hollister house when Peter comes to meet Harry. Why did Harry have them meet there? Who knows? But Lily is there, and Carlie Cooper for some reason, and Vin Gonzales and his partner are there to guard Bill Hollister, who wants to talk to Harry. Vin is immediately angry that Carlie is talking to Peter, he’s SUCH a cool guy. Lily wants them all to do something Friday, but Peter is still freaked out about her randomly kissing him back… whenever that happened, man, I don’t know. And then Peter just randomly asks Carlie out, seemingly just to get out of hanging out with Lily.
Since when did Carlie live with Lily???? Am I supposed to already know that? I do not know that! I also don’t know why Carlie thinks she’s Peter’s “consolation prize,” as if he’s been trying to get with Lily? What is even happening right now, I feel like I skipped a few issues.
Speaking of all that, Liz is having a rough phone call with an in-home care service, because her “very special needs stepbrother” scared off his nurse. Is something wrong with Mark? Also Dan Slott spells it “mommie” when Liz tells Normie Mommy is on the phone and too busy to play. How do you spell “mommy” wrong, it’s… it’s pretty common. So, Normie goes in a room he obviously shouldn’t to play and…
Bro, what is going on? And why does Liz look inked by Tom Palmer in panel 1?
Yeah, you remember the guy who destroyed Aunt May’s house, which is mysteriously not destroyed anymore, let’s bring that up. I guess we’re getting the in-universe explanation of Harry not being dead, finally…
Uuuuuuuugh. He died in the arms of his best friend after spending his every waking hour trying to destroy said best friend, and now doesn’t remember any of that, but DOES remember dying in the arms of Spider-Man. So stupid.
Well, there’s the explanation for that. I kind of think this is pointless. “Here’s how Harry’s alive.” “Here’s why Aunt May’s house is alive.” We know why, and it wasn’t any of this. We know that, for no reason whatsoever, Mephisto threw all these bonuses in for the marriage. And given how contentious and maligned that story was, constantly going back to explain things from it feels counterproductive. But what do I know, I guess?
Again with the “mommie.” No one has ever spelled it that way, Dan. Man, this is terrible. So Harry literally just came back? He’s been alive the whole time, but he really did just show back up at the end of One More Day, somehow already dating Lily? This sucks. They’re like “We have to bring Harry back. And also make him this terrible, toxic character no one will like!” A+, worth it. As Peter takes the distraught Normie upstairs, the latter yelling that all Daddy does is leave, Mark Raxton hears that Harry is back through the wall. Harry and Liz take their argument inside as upstairs, Peter chases a bounced ball under the bed to find a hilarious box full of all the Spider-Man heads Normie has broken off of action figures over the years in his DeMatteis-fueled rages. That is so stupid. Downstairs, Harry says he’s trying to fix everything, while upstairs, Mark is getting agitated.
You know, I was snarky about Harry being alive, and now I really wish they hadn’t bothered to pull that thread.