Now it’s time for Bob Gale’s inaugural 3-parter. I guess each writer musta had one. He is joined by Phil Jimenez & Andy Lanning on line art and Jeromy Cox on colors. Man I am dreading these Bob Gale issues. We open with JJJ in the hospital, demanding the Bugle, still unaware it’s been sold. A nurse suggests comics books as reading material, so JJJ can do a bone-tired joke and say “Comic books? Do they still publish that trash? It can rot your mind!” Yes, yes, comic book writers love talking about how lame comics are, it’s weirdly common. A page turn brings us to an issue of the “DB” with the headline “SPIDER-MAN: SERIAL KILLER,” complete with art of him with his hands covered in blood. Did they pay someone to illustrate that or take a fake photo or what?
That joke about Wacker’s credit is bizarre. I will admit it took me this long to realize Dexter Bennett is “DB.”
Bennett not knowing 10-point type is quite small is… kind of funny, I guess. Do thee guys really think Bennett getting everyone’s names wrong is this funny? Four writers and 3 editors put their heads together and came up with this hi-LAR-ious runner? Well, Peter goes to the funeral, where the press is being kept out, so he climbs a tree to get photos, anyway. Some one really shoulda done a comic where Peter’s obviously having snuck in somewhere he wasn’t allowed to get the photos wounds him up in legal trouble. Doesn’t seem like he’ll ever be a photographer again (Uh, spoilers), so its probably too late, but… should have. It’s the funeral of Lisa Parfrey, killed by Menace, and Harry, Lily, and her dad are there. Post-funeral, Peter stops in to work at FEAST, thinking he can pay May and Harry back the money he owes when, as promised in ASM 546, “the Freak” steals the cashbox and bolts. “Freak” is a terrible name for a villain, but also, one I believe both DC Comics and Spawn have already used by this point. Just no reason to name someone “Freak,” but here we are. Peter runs after him over May’s protests, and soon Spider-Man is on the case. Rather than just grab the guy, he… creates a wall of webbing in front of him in the middle of the street, allowing “Freak” to try to convince the crowd Spidey’s trying to kill them all. Why… why would he do this? Then the guy just gets away, anyway. Even Dan Slott’s Spider-Man isn’t this stupid. then Spidey snags his pants on anti-bird infrastructure, “hilarious.”
Spider-Man is just flying in the top. That’s a less convincing swing than even Ross Andru. That cement sure looks like water.
What… luck. Back at FEAST, May says Spider-Man never came in, it was “a drug addict everyone calls FREAK.” Subtle! Peter pops in to confirm it wasn’t Spider-Man, and Vinnie owes Al $50. Later that night, Freak vomits up some weird go, swearing he’ll get even with Spider-Man for doing this to him, and then the goo envelops him. That probably sucks! Well, Peter, Harry, Carlie and Lily are at an event to sign a petition to make Lily’s dad run for mayor, and in close-up, Lily is Beyonce. Enough with the celebrity casting already!! Lily asks them all to pledge money, Peter doesn’t have any, but doesn’t want to look cheap, and then Carlie crosses his name off the list to save him from himself. Is love in the air? Maybe! The next day, a trash guy finds a weird goo cocoon that has Freak in it, and Curt Connors finds his lab trashed, and sees his work may have been used. Carlie is then on the scene of the weird cocoon. Meeeeanwhile…
Lightmaster! I cannot believe I’m seeing Lightmaster! Was the Hypno-Hustler not available!? Weird to see Shriek just hanging out, also, but… LIGHTMASTER? The Phoenix references are weirdly aggressive. Look, it’s the Answer in some random new mask, with a “?” on his chest. Why? He hasn’t appeared anywhere to get a new look and/or deal, he’s just… wrong.
No idea who the guy who looks like the service bell in an old hotel is. And look, it’s the Romita. Jr. version of Ox. In Queens, Peter washes and sews his costume while fending off a nosy neighbor and learning about Carly’s chrysalis on the news. It all feels very 20 year ago. I guess that’s the point. He decides to go down there.
Whatever Curt was working on, he should maybe not be allowed to do that anymore. “So, Bob, what’s your idea for a cool new Spider-Villain?” “How about a guy who’s just really gross?” “Uh… ok, Bob… Why not…?”