Ron Zimmerman is back, last seen in that awful Jay Leno thing. Sean Philips is back, last seen in Ultimate Spider-Man Super Special, tho I think this came out first, just to be as confusing as possible. Steve Bucellatto is back, last seen coloring most of this series. This one’s called Double Shots, and begins with a guy in the comic book cliche hat & trenchcoat disguise headed to a bar.
Stilt-Man is insinuating that Daredevil is gay, and when the Matador says, in a riiiiiiidiculous Spanish accent, that he doesn’t think so, Stilty says he might be, too. This leads them to almost fight until the bartender tells them they won’t be doing that in here. Whirlwind helpfully exposits to no one in particular that the barman, Calab, was “Dr. Doom’s head of security for 12 years” to let everyone know not to mess with him, which seems utterly absurd, but it’s Zimmerman. Beef quashed, Timber gets the mystery man’s drink as the Vulture comes angrily stalking into the bar.
Wow, what a totally accurate and not at all out of character voice for Vulture.
As Baby Kraven was suddenly Zimmerman’s purview in the previously mentioned “Get Kraven” series, no surprise he wound up here.
I feel the odds of Kraven and Tombstone having a feud, or even knowing each other, are effectively nil, but again, it’s Zimmerman. And because Alyosha is his guy at present, first he intimidates Tombstone into running away with just a look, and then it’s implied he’s been shtupping the hot waitress. I don’t know if they had the phrase “self-insert character” in 2002, but… Anyway, Young Kraven goes on to talk about how he also had a bad week due to Spider-Man, aided and abetted by the Human Torch, as Alyosha was fighting some mobsters and they intervened. The Torch says he “never liked” Baby Kraven, which, again, they actually met and the encounter (In FF, Vol. 3 #9) was so slight I doubt Johnny would even remember it, but Zimmerman. Young Kraven was winning against Johnny when Spider-Man showed up.
Losing my patience for this. Also, boy, does that “getting a big butt” thing fail to predict beauty trends even though they were already well under way. Because Alyosha is Zimmerman’s Mary Sue, he goes on to talk about how he’s gone out with Silver Sable, Black Widow, and, in a random real world pull, Alyssa Milano, to Vulture’s consternation. The mystery man convinces Vulture to detail his Spider-Man run-in. Which is literally the usual, which Zimmerman lampshades, Vulture attacking an armored car, Spider-Man webs onto his ankle, etc. He complains that the worst thing about the superheroes is the jokes.
They keep bickering for a few pages and who even cares, honestly. But we’re running out of pages, so someone finally bothers to ask who the guy in the hat is. And I remember, for a change.
Putting the pumpkin on the table just in case you don’t get it is so stupid. Especially since…
The Batman The Animated Series episode “Almost Got ‘Im” casts a long shadow, and this can’t help but feel like a feeble imitation despite the reveal being Norman instead of the hero. But, since I sold my copy of Sweet Charity and I couldn’t find a book in my collection with part one of the Kraven 2-parter than ran in the backs of books like the Jay Leno thing, this is the last we’ll see of Zimmerman on this blog, so I got that going for me.