We’re digital again! I never read this, or the next several issues on the docket, but now’s the time, I guess. The first detour was going to be a one-shot about the Cabal, but I realized halfway through re-reading it that it simply had no reason to be here. Little bits of good but unnecessary fluff about the members of the Cabal. No Spider-Man, not even a story about Norman. So, I skipped it. This, though, being a “Spider-Man” title starring Venom, is more under our purview. Sort of, at least. Not feelin’ too good about it, as it’s brought to you by Brian Reed and Chris Bachalo. So a probably mediocre story, told in confusing and unclear pages, for 4 issues. I’d love to be wrong! Let’s see. Bachalo is joined by his preferred collaborators, Tim Townsend on inks and Antonio Fabela… providing “color guides,” while Bachalo gets a “final colors” credit. Alrighty.
Is this an existing guy? Internet says this is a brand-new guy. What… a random guy. What a terrible page layout.
Aaaand Reed is inexplicably riffing on the narration gimmick from the first Sam Raimi Spider-Man movie. Ok, sure.
Venom swings the Wolfram guy away, and he drops the fake accent. Venom commandeers Wolfram’s haul for himself, and then, in seriously the least-effective possible panels you could choose, all extreme closeups, apparently eats him. We then move our scene to the DB!. Remember the DB!? That seemed like it was going to be a bigger part of ASM once. Well, Dexter Bennett is now Spider-Man fan #1. He wants all the salacious details his reporters can dredge up on him, and an interview. He seems to think Venom is the same Spider-Man he’s been dragging through the mud, and doesn’t care. He’s changed his mind about what’s the most profitable angle. Meanwhile, in costume, Venom goes to what appears to be some kind of cavewoman-themed strip club? Is there going to be one page of this comic that makes any sense at all? While he insinuates that he ate the last girl he liked her for figuring out he wasn’t Spider-Man, he flashes back to his origins for us as fast as possible. Like, he goes from not being the Scorpion to being Venom in 2 panels. He concludes by saying “Now I’m an Avengers, and everybody thinks I’m Spider-Man.” Do they? I wasn’t sure about this the whole time this event was going. Not least because both Spider-Men would’ve surely been seen in the same place. At any rate, he’s decided to go kill J. Jonah randomly. Old dog, old tricks. JJJ is having a press conference that’s going badly as we catch up with him.
No one can explain why Betty is still at the DB!. Or seems interested in doing so. Working for JJJ’s probably failing Mayoral office would be a step up.
Well, I’m sure that won’t go anywhere. Meanwhile, Venom has brought his cavewoman stripper home and is blasting ACDC while she dances, and Norman Osborn is very cross. Venom apparently only ate one of Wolfram’s arms. That seems unlike him, at this point. I miss the days when Venom didn’t eat people. As you might expect, Venom wasn’t allowed to be out eating bank robbers and seeing strippers, and the 2 have a little faceoff about it. Elsewhere…
Todd McFarlane’s had a guy called Redeemer since 1992, y’all sure you want to do this? Well, remember how Venom was going to kill JJJ? And then didn’t? Like, at all? Now, as JJJ heads home after a long day, Venom has left the body of his cavewoman stripper in JJJ’s bed. We keep cutting back and forth from scene to scene so fast in this comic, now we’re back to “Redeemer” up there.
So Venom has eaten the hand off most of these guys? Furthermore, Venom has snuck out enough times to eat the hands off most of these guys despite Norman not wanting him to? Ok! Whatever! Saints preserve me, 3 more issues of this…