March 2009 is the cover date of 3 issues of ASM, a Spidey appearance in New Avengers 49, the President’s Day Special short, ASM: Brand New Day Extra #2, USM 130, an issue of an Ultimate mini featuring Spider-Man we’ll see soon enough, and this. So much Spider-Man. Can this one-shot justify its existence? Probably not, True Believer, but we shall see! Now, you might be thinking to yourself, “Wasn’t there already a Spider-Man: Fear Itself?” Buddy, this 2nd one isn’t even the last Spider-Man: Fear Itself! At the helm, we have Stuart Moore, last seen around these parts writing that short that sort of presaged the Spider-Verse in MCP, Vol. 2 #1. On art duties, apparently lines and color, someone called Joe Suitor, who is unfamiliar to me. And I guess we get to see our hero run into Man-Thing, who we last saw JM DeMatteis making a complete mess of in PPSM Annual 1999. Ok, then.
Lil Peter looks pretty scared.
That’s one big head on Spider-Man! As they fight, Spider-Man narrates to us that he brought Aunt May to Florida to see some friends, and didn’t expect to be fighting Man-Thing. Is that all the explanation we’ll get? Very old school. Spidey slings Man-Thing into a truck, and when he bounces off, he grabs some local teen, who doesn’t “burn at the touch of the Man-Thing” and all, despite Spider-Man expecting him to. They fight a bit more, and then Man-Thing deploys “razor-sharp brambles,” slicing up our hero’s chest and disappearing. Got some new moves, ol’ Manny does.
Fair enough! Now it’s 4 months, later, and I guess Aunt May has only just started working at FEAST, and Peter is walking her to work at night because he’s worried about her. Then Peter seems to have some kinda heart problem, like May did at the top in the past, and then a big burst of Spider Sense leads him down an alley (With no real explanation for May), where he discovers…
Ok. Now Peter is having dinner with Carlie Cooper, even tho he only just asked her out this same month in ASM, and she’s telling a pretty gruesome police story like it’s hilarious, and then he gets a zap of Spider Sense, and Man-Thing appears in front of them. Peter is in a fog, and asks what it wants. And then, this is weirdly the next page:
What? What just happened? Where did he go? I guess he broke into an abandoned building? How did Peter not notice he had a plant growing out of him for 4 months? What?
This guy Joe Suitor has very specific, consistent ideas about what Spider-Man’s mask eyes should look like, and I do not agree with them. Spider-Man swings off, growing more and more confused, winding up in a wooded area (Where?), recklessly taking more of Connors’ serum, and then Man-Thing is right next to him.
How could it possibly have been over an hour? Maybe he’s just loopy. Spider-Man starts trying to scare himself, and thinks back to the talk with Aunt May in the beginning, but it doesn’t work. So he takes another hit of the serum, and that doesn’t work, either. And then he starts turning into the Lizard. Duh.
Oooooookaaaaaaay. Why does this exist? Who shelled out $4 for this? I really don’t understand. Well, uh, that’s that.