WSS 1

And so we come to the first stunt. The X-Men line had recently had a huge success with Age of Apocalypse, a set of books where time was rewritten, the world was plunged into an alternate timeline, everything you knew was wrong, etc. It featured all-new series during its run and was bookended by overpriced, chromium-covered Alpha and Omega issues. We’ve already seen the dreadful Maximum Clonage borrow the last bit, and now the whole line borrows the 1st, replacing every Spider-Man title with a Scarlet Spider title and a fancy new #1. Except Spider-Man Team-Up, which inexplicably launched with the Peter Spider-Man during the 2nd month of this stunt. But Age of Apocalypse had a huge cast of mutants and an alternate timeline to justify its existence. This crap is motivated by nothing but sales wanting some new #1s to shill to the already collapsing speculator market. So while Ben SHOULD have become Spider-Man immediately after TAC 229, there is instead 2 months of hastily cobbled together Scarlet Spider stuff. Which is even weirder considering most of the previous 2 months’ issues of “Spider-Man” comics were Scarlet Spider comics. Might as well have started then. Each cover has a spot color, for some reason, a neon-ish blast of something or other. And of course, “Virtual Mortality “ means, yes, we’re doing more ludicrous, terrible cyberspace nonsense. Our hosts this month are the now-familiar writing team of DeFalco & Dezago, Paris Karounos on breakdowns, Randy Emberlin on inks and Kevin Tinsley on colors. We open on Scarlet Spider stopping a mugging by a handful of goons, one of who is delightfully named “Skuds.” They at first thing Spider-Man has caught them and are scared, but then realize it’s just “that Spider-Man wannabe,” and somehow the guy swinging at them out of the sky isn’t scary anymore. Skuds gets one of Ben’s stingers in the chest for that.

There is no reason to post this recap page except to document this incredible, incredible take on Ben’s mullet:

Amazing. Terrible. The helicopter heads down to the street, where it lowers a platform full of matching uniformed, armed goons to attack a fleeing minivan. Our hero drops down to get involved, but his Spider Sense warns him not to actually touch the goons. As the guys driving the van decide to ditch it, he finds out why.

The van guys run for it, and SS finds the whole helicopter has fled in the smoke, which seems tremendously improbable. He sticks around to see the cops find some stolen “experimental computer chips” in the back of the van, and beats himself up for defending thieves. He thinks Peter would have done this right as skulks off. I mean, it depends on whether the plot demanded it, Ben, don’t be so hard on yourself. Elsewhere, the new Doc Ock is frustrated not to get her “computer chips.” I love that as recently as 1995, people were just like “Oh, yeah, computers, right? Chips!” Like that’s the only component they’d ever heard of. Like, back in the 60s, if you read Iron Man comics, you’d have thought transistors could do literally anything, because that was apparently the one tech word Stan Lee had ever heard, and now we’re doing a similar bumbling around the world of computers.

Good time to wonder what Seward Trainer, you know, does. He’s a rich scientist, which is already kind of unusual, who seems to do nothing but hang out with clones in secret lairs. What’s your 9-5, buddy? And how does Ben function with no social security, driver’s license, etc? Does Seward just keep forging documents for him? That’s how he plans to “make his own way?” Seems like a bad deal. Somewhere else, a “Mr. Tso” hears the apologies of his van drivin’ goons for failing to bring him the computer stuff, and then has his other goons ventilate one of them for it. I don’t remember this guy at all. Meanwhile, Ben Reilly is hunting for jobs, and getting nowhere. Then ie decides to try at the trendy Club Noir, where he is also rejected, but then this happens…

Is… is he saying Peter was in Cocktail? What nonsense. Later, Doc Ock’s goons try to steal the van again, this time from police impound, and they get away with it. But then Scarlet Spider happens on them, thinking it’s his lucky day. That sure is lucky. He also has a gas mask he got from Seward, despite no previous indication that stuff earlier was anything but a smoke screen. What, is the breathing filter gonna help you see in the smoke, genius?

Boy oh boy. Having a good time. This isn’t the 70s, so there’s no cliffhanger ending with Spider falling to his death. Instead, he just webs onto the copter. The pilot begins trying to shake him loose, and I begin to wonder, as I often do, about “the proportionate strength of a spider.” So, this guy can lift a city bus, right? So a regular person being whipped around by a helicopter at top speed would be in bad shape, naturally, but surely the simple act of pulling himself up a rope would be no problem for someone so impossibly strong. Writers never seem to consider that. Or the opposite end of the spectrum, like shouldn’t it be almost impossible for him to shake someone’s hand without crushing into powder? How much fine motor control does he have with such an outrageous amount of strength? I dunno. Anyway, they shake him loose and he webs up a web hang glider like the old days and lives, but they get away.