As this book is coming out, though none of us could’ve known it at the time, Mike Weiringo was nearing the end of his life. An aortic dissection took him far too young, younger than I am now, as I type this. And if that wasn’t bad enough, as he was approaching that grim milestone, he was increasingly frustrated by the comics industry. He was there to do fun adventures, and comics were steering grim and “realistic,” and he was finding less and less to enjoy about his work. All of which is to say, I’m sure he was just thrilled to pick up the story with “Spider-Man has had his eyeball ripped out and been beaten seemingly to death.” As Straczynski takes the helm for a month, we find Morlun standing over his enemy, his internal monologue crowing about having beaten his enemy, and now it’s time to feed.
Why wouldn’t he just take Spider-Man’s body? Except for the fact that he can’t, because this stupid event is only half over and Morlun can’t actually eat our hero. Seems stupid! A gaggle of cops and paramedics descend on the scene, all chaos and yelling orders, and a cop pulls Spider-Man’s mask off, saying he alway wanted to know what he looked like, but he stops short when he sees what’s in there.
Sorry, Ringo. If it’s any consolation, I have to assume I hate this as much as you did. And now this “THE SPIDER” crap again. As he’s taken to a hospital and goes under the knife, someone wonders if there’s any way to notify next of kin, and we see Iron Man, Captain America and Luke Cage arrive on the scene, and we see… MJ being driven to the hospital by what appears to be Jill Stacy!? Where did SHE come from?? Also Aunt May is weeping in Jarvis’ arms instead of going to see him? Why… would she not go? Also Morlun is at the hospital.
A lawyer? Who’s a lawyer? It occurred to me that could be Jessica Drew in regular clothes, but she’s not a lawyer. Is Jill a lawyer? We never once got told what she did for a living. If anything! She went to school with MJ. I don’t know, who really cares? I guess I’d rather talk about anything but this. And also, WHY DID MORLUN NOT JUST TAKE THE BODY????? He was all “let them take him, I can go get him whenever I want,” and then went IMMEDIATELY. Poor impulse control? Bad writing, more like.
Ay yi yi. Why did I buy this? MJ is thrown into a wall, Spider-Man’s internal monologue yammers about “THE SPIDER” and replays him promising MJ he’d always be there for her, MJ comes after Morlun and he breaks her wrist, Peter’s internal monologue rambles about how a cornered spider bites, and “now is the moment of cornered death. Now is the promise,” fart sound, and then his eye snaps open, looking bug-like.
Get ready for the next thing everyone knows about this event that is all-time terrible:
Why yes, Spider-Man just developed the ability to extend “stingers” out of his wrists. Remember how he got the ability to talk to bugs and it was immediately forgotten? Wanna take a guess how long this lasts? But if that wasn’t enough…
Hey, remember when he got the ability to talk to bugs? Remember how that happened? How he turned into a spider-monster first? Gosh, this looks kind of familiar. Down in the lobby, the 3 Avengers on the scene hear an alarm and rush to Peter’s room… where a pink light is swirling around, and Morlun is turning to dust, whimpering that this is not how it was meant to be. You can say that again, buddy! Then Peter screams, and MJ looks up from the corner she was hiding in.
And so, for a 2nd time in his life, Peter dies in a hospital while MJ cries. And for a 2nd time in FIFTEEN MONTHS, Peter has turned into a spider-monster and died. I mean this is just beyond belief. When I heard about this, I couldn’t believe it. I could not believe something so improbably stupid could happen TWICE IN A YEAR, give or take. Gobsmacked. Flabbergasted. To this day, I cannot believe it. Well, anyway, Iron Man then steals Peter’s body. Narration says it’s so no one can fingerprint him and find out who he was, so his life won’t come back to haunt MJ and Aunt May. Because he’s dead. As MJ’s caption says, “The man she loves is dead.” Again. For the 2nd time in 15 months. Incredible. Also, that’s it for Morlun, he’s gone. How was he able to feed on Spider-Man now if he couldn’t the first time, if Spider-Man’s radioactive blood was poison to him last time? Screw you, no one cares, doesn’t matter, he’s dead. Quality storytelling, top to bottom.